Here Come The Mummies
by Winfan2
Summary: This is a story of how a long ago group of men, turned from ancient musicians to modern mummies, looking to lay down the ultimate riff while entertaining the masses. From curses to grocery shopping, come along for a humorous ride as ancient Egyptian beings navigate the modern world.
1. Chapter 1

This isn't a typical ancient Egypt story, it is more of a nonsensical tale about my favorite band Here Come the Mummies. If you are not familiar with them, it won't make nearly as much sense or be as much fun, but perhaps it will still hold some enjoyment.

**The Beginning**

The servant wasn't sure which was louder, his heartbeat or his sandals scraping against the floor of the long hallway. The torches mounted on the walls cast eerie shadows as he finished his march to the Pharaoh's quarters. There were times like this that he wished he was still a lowly slave and not directly responsible to the Pharaoh, but alas he had worked his way up to the higher rank of man-servant and was now responsible for delivering some very bad news.

He, as well as many others, had spent the last half hour looking high and low for Miriam, the wild daughter of the Pharaoh. She was young and beautiful, and while the king of Egypt was beyond proud of his daughter's magnificence, he also knew she held the desire of every male around her. And this was why he was constantly checking on her whereabouts. He could already tell from his man-servant's face that the news was not good.

The servant bowed and stated simply that the royal daughter was neither in her room nor anywhere on the grounds. He had even asked the young girls that were about, where she might have gone. They all bickered at first but finally returned with a single answer: the discotheque in a nearby cave.

It was a place known to those with no responsibilities and even fewer morals. It was also frequented by a group of musicians who often set their sights on the fair maidens of the area. They brought in crowds far and wide to groove to their funky tones and swing their hips, among other things, in time to the harmonious beat. One could hear the party long before they came across the secret entrance, which wasn't so secret once the band took center stage.

The Pharaoh, surrounded by his minions made his way towards the slender opening that would lead to the path of iniquity; he could only hope it wasn't too late to rescue his daughter from certain sin.

The torches that adorned the walls as well as the chandelier hanging in the center of the stone room, set the tone for an evening of raucous fun. Bodies were entwined, entangled as well as disheveled, and that was just on the stage. It appeared that the line between band and crowd had blurred into one large pack of gyrating mass.

The Pharaoh had one of his slaves get on his hands and knees on the hard stone floor while another helped the King step atop the poor man. With his expanded view he was able to scan the room looking for his wayward offspring. The crowd, though full of youngsters, as well as those more akin to middle age and beyond, did not yield his daughter. Beginning to feel a sense of relief that his daughter had chosen a more righteous path, the Pharaoh was prepared to step down from his now wobbling perch, when he saw her. She was not only up on the makeshift stage; she was all tangled up with one of the band members. He couldn't tell exactly who belonged where but it was apparent by the object that he was fingering in front of him, that he was indeed the cause of the melody trailing from the immediate area.

Other band members were banging and blowing away on various pieces of equipment, each creating their very own form of noise. With one shout the King quieted the entire room. There was a moment of hesitation before total chaos ensued. Most headed straight for the door while others merely ran around in panicked circles. After much of the place had cleared out, the band, tired from their previous circular activity, fell over in a state of vertigo. Miriam screeched the typical, "how could you Daddy" in the general direction of her father.

The Pharaoh looked around at who was left behind. Only his daughter, Miriam, along with a few of her closest friends remained. The band appeared to be made up of eight men in various states of confusion. They still remained unsure as to what had crashed their everlasting party.

Within the hour, Miriam's friends had been taken home, the band secured in the dungeon and the Pharaoh was beyond furious.

"But Daddy, they are great musicians, they make us all want to dance and forget about our troubles." The teen wailed.

"It's how you are forgetting about your troubles is what worries me," he replied.

"How can you not trust me?"

"You were on the stage with one of them," he pointed out.

"Just for a moment, we were dancing," she explained.

The Pharaoh, his arms crossed, looked down at his daughter and shook his head. "I believe there was more to it."

"Well there wasn't, you just don't know how to have fun," she said, stomping her foot and crossing her own arms.

"Well I think I know how to make this issue go away," he said waving towards his servants.

"No Daddy, you can't kill them."

"Oh I won't kill them; I have something else in mind for those men."


	2. Mummification

**Mummification**

The world had gone on, though Miriam hadn't completely gotten over the loss of her favorite band. She had eventually forgiven her father and she continued to be the apple of his eye. Over two months later the mummification process had been completed bringing the Pharaoh down to the dungeon area. He had mandated his highest priest complete both the procedure and the curse and he was now ready to see the results.

"How did it go?" he asked of the punishment.

"Miriam and her friends stopped by earlier; there were lots of tears shed, even some by the girls. The men didn't take their sentence too well, something about only wanting to play the ultimate groove or riff or some such thing," the priest said. "They claim they are only guilty of bringing happiness and funk to make the ladies dance."

"Which is exactly why I have imposed this sentence upon them." The Pharaoh declared. "Let's see how many people want to groove, dance or whatever with a bunch of stinky mummies. I want them gone, out of the sight of my daughter and others who have fallen under their spell."

"Where should we put them?" The one of the assistants asked.

"I don't care, dig a hole someplace and dump them in, just make sure it is a place that will keep them and their funk hidden for years to come."

"As you wish your highness," a nearby slave said bowing towards the Pharaoh.

Several workers began to herd the shrieking, babbling mummies towards a cart waiting outside when the Pharaoh stopped them. "Wait, find me the high priest. I want to add one more penalty to this pile of bandages."

The now mummified men's eyes, which were about all you could see on most of them, got wide at the proposal, and they tried to run away but only ended up tripping over each other and landing in a large heap. "They do like to run around," the Pharaoh stated as he shook his head.

The priest arrived in a rush of concern as to why he had been unexpectedly summoned. "Your highness," he said as he bowed. "What may I assist you with this day?"

"These mummies were men only recently." He began as he inspected the nervous pile of bandages. "Why is this one's face showing? He only has one bandage across his nose?"

"We had him all covered up, but he wouldn't stop talking, even after we bound his whole face. The wrap fell off and all we had left was one strip, we did the best we could with it," the nervous embalmer stated.

"I see, so you like to talk do you? That gives me an even better idea." He turned to the priest and clasped his hands together. "I want you to render these mummies only able to speak in a nonsensical manner. I want them cursed so that if they are ever found they will have to continue to play their crazy music until they find the ultimate riff, whatever the hell that is. And that one," he said pointing towards the one mummy whose face could still be somewhat detected, "he will be able to speak, but only if there is music playing, otherwise it will be simply gibberish like the rest of them. He can have a taste of what he once had, but only a taste."

And with that the Pharaoh turned and walked away leaving those left behind slack jawed and wide-eyed. The mummies once again began to run around in a chaotic pattern leading them to a jumble of limbs and fear. But their desperate attempts did nothing to save them from the curse that the high priest bestowed upon them. Their lives would be forever altered.

Finally the eight were bound together and loaded onto the back of the cart. They were slowly wheeled towards the gate.

"Oh my," one of the servants said as he looked outside. "There are many women here waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Another asked.

"The mummies I suppose."

"Well, tell them they're coming." A third servant stated.

The first servant shrugged his shoulders and from his spot in the front announced as loudly as he could, "please step back, here come the mummies!"

Most did heed the warning, but a few refused and jumped onto the back of the cart and grabbed onto a mummy or two and would not let go. And so through the long journey the wailing group held on tightly to one another, women included, and found their final resting place in the middle of what is now known as Bumfuck Egypt.


	3. Dumb Luck

**Dumb Luck**

Professor Nigel Dumblucke IV led his group of archeologists to yet another dig site. They had failed miserably in their previous attempts to unearth anything of value. He had to admit that he was feeling pretty low at his lack of success and his constituents were getting frustrated and argumentative as they found themselves in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

"What could possibly be here," Cassandra asked, her glare piercing the dusty air.

"We will have to dig to find out," the professor said with much more confidence than he felt.

"Nobody would leave anything out here," Jay stated.

"Well, okay, if nobody wants to give it a try, we will take a quick break and then head out." Nigel said as he leaned against the large truck they had traveled in. Three could ride in the front cab, while the remaining two on the team, along with all their gear rode in the open back, only secured by wooden slats on the sides.

The team grabbed a snack from their bag of supplies and sat down for a quick bite to eat. They were nearly finished when the winds began to pick up, blowing the sand around in fierce waves.

"Let's take refuge under the truck," Dumblucke said.

The group attempted to squeeze their way under the vehicle and found little relief. "We need to dig," Jay shouted.

"Not in this storm," The professor yelled back. "That will have to wait for now. Besides I thought you didn't want to dig here anyway."

"No, not for artifacts to hide in," Jay yelled back.

"Oh, okay," Paul, another member of the group screamed.

The entire group, with cloth tied around their face to help prevent inhaling sand, got out from under the truck and grabbed their shovels and began to dig like mad just behind the vehicle. With the blowing sand giving them motivation it didn't take too long to have a ditch just wide enough and deep enough for the group to fit into. Each member tumbled into the hole and kept their heads down, while Paul slowly backed the truck up, over the hole and then shimmied down into safety himself.

Several hours later team members, Jay, Paul, Frank and Ann were asleep while Cassie and the professor were stabbing at the ground under them with their trowels. The winds were beginning to die down, but there was no hurry to climb out and test the speed of the incoming sand.

Cassie shifted her weight and moved her right leg out from underneath her. She then began to scrape away more layers of sand from where her leg had once been. She had expected nothing more than the sand that she had been sifting through for the past few hours and was shocked when a small piece of white bandage poked up through the ground. She bent over to get a closer look and began to carefully push sand aside with her hands.

"Professor, come look, I have found—I have found, well something, I'm just not sure what it is," she exclaimed.

Nigel wiggled his way over, moving cautiously and sliding over the sleeping Paul as he did. Cassie was trying to get a better look in the dim lighting before pulling her head back in disgust. "I think it's—well—it can't be—a man part?" She questioned.

The professor pulled a match out from his pocket and managed to light it. He bent down next to the body part in question. "No, no, I believe it is a finger, yes it is a finger," he shouted.

"Oh thank God, I was thinking this poor man didn't have much of a—well, you know."

The professor looked over at his counterpart and shook his head.

Later that day they eventually uncovered eight bandaged encased bodies and carefully loaded them up in the back of the truck. The group headed back to their main camp where they could prepare to go back to the States. They pulled in just before dark and carefully unloaded their amazing find.


	4. We Have Mummies

**We Have Mummies**

Present Day—

Nigel's head snapped towards the sound of his girlfriend's scream. She came charging into the door, throwing it so hard, it bounced back and hit her as she barreled through it. Her face was flushed and she was shaking violently.

"What's wrong Jody," he asked as he reached out to her with concern.

"Mummies, we have mummies," she exclaimed as if she was stating there was a massive cockroach infestation.

"Awww, dammit," he said as he craned his neck to see into the next room.

Jody had just moved in with Nigel, where they shared the living area of a large storage facility that held quite a few ancient Egyptian artifacts that had been collected over the years by Nigel's father, grandfather and great-grandfather, Nigel the VI, V, IV respectively.

Nigel the VII not only wasn't too enamored with his name, but he also didn't care much for Egypt or what the land of sand and pyramids held. But in exchange for keeping an eye on the artifacts among other things, he was allowed to live there rent free with enough of a stipend to survive in the modern world as well as take care of what needed taking care of.

The place was no palace but it had a bedroom with an adjoining bathroom, a good sized living room as well as a kitchen with all the amenities and a separate dining room. It was also on enough land that they could escape the view of the public when mishaps occurred, which they often did. There was also a storage area and several nooks and crannies that held quite a few treasures according to the Egyptologist that came in Monday through Friday to analyze the ancient finds. It also was the home to Java, Spaz, The Pole, The Flu, Cass, BB Queen, Rah and Eddie. Two of which had just scared poor Jody nearly to death.

The mummies hung out in the underground quarters known as the crypt. They had a rather large area in which to sleep, roam and do whatever it was they did to keep themselves occupied. They would often come upstairs to raid the kitchen or watch TV on the big screen. But Nigel thought he had made it abundantly clear that those forays up to the apartment were to no longer take place. Except he never knew exactly what the boys understood as they could only, moan, growl and jabber at him, unless there was music playing and Java was around, otherwise everything remained a mystery. Now Jody was here and had found out what had been in hiding before he could gently break the news to her that he had mummies in his basement.

"Awww dammit, is all you have to say?" Jody shrieked. "Mummies chased me, mummies Nigel, mummies," she said emphatically once again.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Sorry, sorry, you didn't tell me you had supernatural creatures lurking in the shadows. Please tell me there aren't any werewolves in the closets."

"God I hope not," Nigel said, putting his arm around Jody.

"So then tell me why you have two mummies running around and where did they go?" She asked as she suddenly realized that they hadn't followed her into the living room.

"Two?" Nigel said grimacing. "I imagine they went into the kitchen. I just bought a giant tub of hummus."

"What? Hummus? What is going on here, who are they?"

"Well first, there aren't two of them and second hummus is a spread made out of chickpeas that's popular—''

"I don't care where hummus is popular or what it is for that matter, what I care about is why you have mummies running around _**our**_ house."

"Well, it's kind of a long story, you see it all started back when my great-grandfather was in Egypt—''

"So you take care of them," Jody asked after Nigel finished his much abbreviated story. Nigel nodded his assent. "So, besides the two I saw, exactly how many more are there?"

But before he could answer, Spaz and Cass came into the room interrupting the question and answer session.

Spaz had a fistful of crackers in one hand and a gallon container of hummus under his other arm, while Cass had the toaster in his hands grinning at the two pieces of newly toasted bread that had recently popped up.

"Do they have names?" Jody asked eyeing the new entrants.

"Yes they do," Nigel began, "the one with the toaster is Cass. He's so fascinated with that damn toaster. He must eat nearly a loaf of bread a day."

Pleased with himself, Cass sat down next to Jody on the couch, the toaster in his lap and the cord bouncing around at his shins. Jody gave a forced smile and scooted a little to her left, away from the mummy.

"How did he get his name?" she asked.

"One of the members of the group that found him was named Cassie and apparently whenever she would wake up, while they were transporting him back, he would be sitting next to her just staring," Nigel explained.

Jody's face took on a worried tone as she glanced to her right and the grayish looking face. "So he was named after her?"

"Sort of, she began calling him Casanova because of his—well his wandering eyes. And since her name was Cassie it all seemed to make some kind of sense. Eventually it just got shortened to Cass."

Jody looked over at him one more time to find him munching away on a piece of freshly made toast, crumbs scattering everywhere around him. She gave him a weak smile and was ready to scoot a little further away from him when Spaz sat down on her other side.

"Tell me about his one?" she asked, her voice as frayed as her nerves.

Nigel cleared his throat and tried to act as casual as one possibly could when introducing a mummy named Spaz. "That is Spaz, he, well, sometimes he's just a crazy fella, in an innocent sort of way of course."

"Of course," Jody said nodding as if it all made sense. She took a deep breath as she glanced at her two seatmates and decided that an open window was most definitely called for. She stood up and turned around, placing her knees in the spot where she had just been sitting to reach the window behind the couch, but before she could get the window up very far she let out a very loud screech.

"What happened?" Nigel asked as he stood up. "Did Spaz grab your ass?"

"Did he what?" Jody asked her eyes growing huge as she turned back to Nigel.

"Nothing, nothing at all," Nigel muttered.

"I thought I saw something outside," she said still facing her boyfriend. "But I'm sure I was mistaken, at least I hope I was mistaken." Jody slowly turned her head back towards the window, only to be met with a grinning red and black face that was busy chewing on a piece of the bush just under the window.

"I think you have more," she said, her voice quivering.

"More what?"

"More mummies—a total infestation."

Nigel got up and peered over Jody's shoulder as both Cass and Spaz remained quite content with the comfort of the couch and their afternoon snacks.

"That's Java," he explained, realizing that he had never had the chance to elaborate on the number of mummies. In fact his summarization was rather brief as he had left out a lot the story.

"Of course it is. Why is he eating the bush?"

"He's vegan," Nigel stated matter-of-factly.

"Of course he is," she repeated. "What has just happened to my life?"

"It got more interesting?" Nigel offered.

Jody turned and looked back at Nigel and shook her head at him and when she turned back around Java was standing inside the living room, having crawled up through the open window. Jody did her best to squelch the scream that had jumped into her throat but wasn't the least bit successful. It didn't seem to bother Java in the least as he stood there happily grinning and clutching a branch from the bush that he had brought inside with him.

Jody moved away and walked over to Nigel. "Don't you have something else he can eat, besides the bushes out front? At this rate all of our landscaping will be nothing but twigs."

"He knows where the kitchen is, we always have plenty of vegan offerings for him. I think he just wanted to get a better look at you."

Jody once again shook her head and sat down in her previous spot on the couch only to find it had been taken by Java. She once again screamed, only it wasn't as loud as before; her body becoming accustomed to the continual surprises she had been encountering. She tried to stand back up but found two arms holding her in a fairly gentle manner.

"He won't hurt you, he just doesn't want you to get up," Nigel explained.

"I can see that," Jody answered. She then reached over and took the hummus from a surprised Spaz and offered it to Java. But he didn't take the bait and continued to hold tightly to his new friend.

"So tell me how he got his name?" She asked.

"He kept chewing on the coffee beans so they were calling him Java like the coffee with the short A, but then the guy who was somewhat in charge of him was named Jay and decided he like the long A better. So he became Java. Also, his favorite meat substitute is tempeh, which is very popular on the Indonesian island of Java. So, take your pick of how he ended up with the name."

"Right, I see, yes—this all makes sense now," she said, taking a deep breath.

"It does?" Nigel asked.

"No, of course it doesn't. Please tell me there are only three, we never did get to discuss specifics like how many there are?" She asked as Java squeezed her a bit tighter and buried his face in her back.

"Eight," Nigel mumbled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that."

"Eight, I said eight, there are eight of them in total," Nigel said loud and clear.

"Eight, eight mummies roaming around here? How come in all the times I've been out here I've never seen any of them?"

"Because I would time your visits when they were out."

"Out, out where?"

But before Nigel could answer something outside the window caught his attention. The golf cart that was used to patrol the grounds went flying by with three mummies hanging on for dear life. The driver made an abrupt turn causing two of them to fly off and then the cart promptly crashed into the side of the shed.

"Let me guess, the other five just showed up and are crawling through the window?" Jody asked. She had finally given up on escaping Java's grasp and just leaned back into the mummy.

"Well three of them anyway. Come on we need to go see if anyone is hurt."

Jody managed to wiggle her way out of Java's clutches and follow Nigel out the front door. They made their way around to the back to find a bright green faced mummy climbing out of the golf cart while a mummy with a black face was running back and forth between the cart and a third mummy who was strewn atop a flower bed.

"Names?" Jody asked dryly as she decided being blasé might be a better approach.

"The driver is The Pole, the highly caffeinated one is BB Queen and the one in the petunias is The Flu."

"Do I even want to know?" She asked.

"The Pole, well, there's a few stories," Nigel began.

"Say no more," Jody interrupted.

"The Flu, well one of the Egyptologists got sick after studying that particular mummy and insisted that he gave him the flu. It eventually stuck and everybody just began calling him The Flu. And BB Queen, well he plays the trumpet." Nigel finished as if that made any sense.

Jody turned her head, raised her eyebrows and just stared at her boyfriend.

"I know BB King plays the guitar, but for some reason this guy err, mummy became fascinated with him so they changed it up a bit and everybody was happy. Also he loves barbeque."

"Well what did they call him before? BB King and barbeque as both are fairly modern compared to these guys?"

"I think it was simply Hey You, because he was always into everything. As you can see he has a hard time sitting still. He loves coffee and all things caffeinated."

"But Java is the one who liked the coffee beans?"

"And tempeh, but yeah, just because he didn't want to eat any of the meat that was being served. Java is always on a natural high."

"I can believe that," Jody said as she surveyed the scene around her. "Wait a minute, you said the one over there plays the trumpet?"

"Oh yeah, they are a band."

"A band?"

"Yep, like a musical group."

"A musical group?" Nigel nodded his head. "They're mummies," Jody pointed out.

"Well remember I told you that they were cursed by the Pharaoh because they were caught with his daughter or daughters depending on which story you believe?"

"Go on."

"They were a band, playing music; it's what drew the ladies in got them dancing and such."

"And even as mummies they can still play music?"

"Better than ever. Earlier when I said I only had you come over when they were out, that's what they were doing; concerts."

"You've got to be kidding."

"Nope, not at all. They are good, really good in fact, and the ladies still love them and they still love the ladies.

"I must be dreaming, either that or you drugged me with something. None of this makes any sense—mummies, concerts, instruments, ladies?"

"You're not dreaming and I didn't drug you, it's all real; from Cass to Eddie to Rah."

"From Cass to who and to who?" Jody asked.

"Eddie and Rah, you haven't met them yet," Nigel said as he helped The Flu up. BBQ came over and dusted his friend off and then ran back to check on The Pole. All three seemed none the worse for wear, no body parts fell off and the bandages were only slightly ripped.

Jody shook her head back and forth and folded her arms as she began to wonder if Nigel was worth all this drama. "So where are the other two?" She asked.

"Rah usually sits out in the sun and ponders about life."

"Is that how he got his name—Ra the Egyptian sun god?"

"I have no idea," Nigel admitted, "I just know he makes sweet music."

"What does he play?"

"The Saxophone."

"What does everybody else play?"

Nigel took a deep breath and counted out everybody and what their instrument was. "We are only missing one," he finished.

"Right you said there was eight and only counted seven. Who's left?"

"Eddie."

"Eddie," she responded dryly. "There's mummies named after coffee, inanimate objects and illness and then there's Eddie?"

"Guess they ran out of ideas," Nigel shrugged.

"What does he play; the sousaphone?"

"The drums."

"You said Java played the drums."

"Ah, you were paying attention." Jody narrowed her eyes at him and her lips became a thin bloodless line. "Of course you were paying attention." Nigel said coughing slightly. "Java is percussion; the bongos and such, Eddie works the drum set or kit or whatever the kids call it these days."

"Wow, they must really put out quite the sound."

"That they do. We'll sneak in on a rehearsal sometime."

Jody sighed deeply and headed back to the house as Nigel went back over to the trio who were trying to right the golf cart from its side. She just couldn't believe that this was all happening to her. Did she really need all these complications to her life? Wasn't there enough drama around her with just normal issues? But no, she has to be dating someone who had eight mummies as pets or perhaps it was the mummies who were keeping Nigel as a pet; either way she wasn't sure she was at all interested in any of it.

She opened the front door and stomped through it only to be met with yet another mummy. This one was pretty good sized and had a purple face. Jody scrunched up her face and gazed upwards trying to remember the names of the two mummies she hadn't yet met. "Rah?" She asked first. The mummy merely tilted his head. "Eddie?" She tried. This time the mummy elicited a large smile.

"Eddie, the drummer. I'm Jody, Nigel's girlfriend, and introducing myself to a mummy almost seems normal to me at this point. Nice to meet you," she finished with a small wave, leaving Eddie standing there.

Jody marched her way to the kitchen trying to remember what she had decided to make for dinner before all the madness had started. But of course when she got to the kitchen she found Cass pouring something down his throat and Java was sitting on the counter eating something leafy and green.

Suddenly the oven timer went off and Cass tossed the bag of whatever it was he had aside and headed towards the oven only to be met by Spaz who had seemingly appeared from nowhere. The two tousled a bit before Jody gave a sharp whistle and yelled for them to knock it off.

The two just stood there, unsure what to do until Jody finally told Cass he had permission to take whatever it was out of the oven. He carefully donned an oven mitt and pulled out a large pizza with everything on it. Spaz reached out to grab it before Cass could even put it on the countertop causing Jody to slap his hand.

"You two will share. Spaz you cut the pizza, but Cass gets first choice. Then take your pizza out of my kitchen!" She yelled.

Java continued to munch away, slightly amused by everything taking place in front of him. Jody looked over at him and shook her head. "I suppose that would be the fixings for the salad I was going to make to accompany our spaghetti?"

Java just shrugged and ate another mouthful before jumping down and hugging Jody. She let him pull her close for a moment but quickly put an end to the display of affection when his hands began to wander a bit too far south.

"No way buster. You are a few thousand years too old to be doing anything in that category."

Java let go and backed up and violently shook his head no. "Well not with me then. Now be a good boy, mummy, whatever and take your dinner down to wherever it is you live."

Java looked heartbroken as he gathered up a cucumber and some spinach. He gave Jody a backward glance and followed Spaz and Cass downstairs.

Jody grabbed the broom and began to sweep up whatever it was that Cass had tossed aside earlier. She dumped the contents into the trash can and couldn't believe that she was feeling bad for pushing Java away. She just couldn't get that sad face out of her head. She rummaged through the pantry and found a can of beans and dumped them into a bowl, grabbed a fork, she then stopped at the hall closet for something and then cautiously made her way towards the basement also known as the crypt.

She could hear noise bouncing its way up the stairs making her feel like she was heading into a frat house. She thought about turning around more than once, but all she could see was that sad black and red face. It was something about those brown eyes that tugged at her; they had been so electric and then it was as if all the light had gone out of them when he had been rebuffed.

It was dark and a bit chilly down there, but the atmosphere wasn't as dank as she had expected. It almost had a party vibe going. Eddie was the first to see her and grunted loudly to announce her arrival. But as Jody reached the bottom of the stairs the hum died down to complete silence. She squinted in the semi-darkness to see mummies scattered about like dirty laundry in a dorm room. But once she was completely in view they all were instantly up and quite interested in what had brought her to their inner sanctum. Despite their last parting, Java was up and heading her way in no time, his smile shining through the dimness.

"Can we turn a light on?" Jody asked despite the fact that her eyes were beginning to adjust.

Suddenly the lights began to get brighter as Jody realized they were on a dimmer switch and Spaz was adjusting the dial to accommodate her request. With better light, she began to look around the spacious area and was pleasantly surprised with what she saw. The area she was currently in was set up like a living room with couches, chairs and a fairly large flat screen TV. Another area of to the side had been separated by drywall and she could just make out what looked like at least one bed on the other side of the open door. Another door appeared to lead to a bathroom and had Jody wondering if there were perhaps a shower in there. Towards the rear of the room it looked like a small studio and guessed that must be where they practiced. Nigel hadn't been full of shit, they were a band.

"I um, well—um, Java, I felt bad how I left things upstairs and I brought you this to say I was sorry," Jody began, holding out the bowl of beans in the mummy's direction.

Java's smile grew even bigger. He reached out and took the beans and carefully set them on the coffee table behind him and then opened his arms wide and moved towards Jody.

"Just hang on a second," she stated, switching the Febreze from her left to right hand and gave him a good spraying. "There, that's better," she said after sniffing. "But watch your hands, I have a boyfriend."

Java seemed a wee bit disappointed with the limitations placed on him, but nonetheless hugged Jody for all he was worth, appreciating her efforts and apology. He was never one to hold grudges and despite his earlier disappointment he had already gotten over it and moved on, fully aware there would be more opportunities for him in the future. And here he was all wrapped up around a pretty lady.

"Okay," Jody mumbled through the bandages, "times up, that was great, but I have to get back to making dinner."

Java let go and stepped backwards, clearly pleased with the turn of events. Jody sighed and felt much better and less guilty. But when she turned to leave she found that another mummy had stepped up in Java's previous spot with his arms wide open waiting for his hug. Jody tried to remember his name as she sprayed a coating of the fabric refresher all over him. "You are—let me think a minute," she said to nobody in particular. "The Pole, right?"

The Pole nodded and quickly swept her up in an embrace. And so it went, mummy after mummy appearing for their hug, each getting doused with meadow fresh scent beforehand. Finally Jody looked up to find a face she didn't recognize. "You must be Rah, the one I haven't met yet."

The mummy smiled and bobbed his head up and down. One final hug and Jody had officially met everyone. Before she could make another move Eddie grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the open door on the other side of the room. "Wait a minute there big fella, don't get any ideas," she stammered. But Eddie continued to tug her along. He was grunting as they went but of course Jody couldn't understand any of it.

When they got to the door he stepped inside the room and held his arms out away from his body, showing her the room as several of the other mummies slipped in behind them. It held eight twin beds with a trunk at the end of each one. She noticed there were no dressers, which made sense since they probably had no clothes. Next to each bed was a nightstand complete with a small lamp and a book or two. Most, she noticed were of the large picture book variety. She saw bright nature pictures as well as the pyramids and the endless sand of their home.

Eddie, still quite proud of himself and his tour guide skills, sat down on what was presumably his bed and patted it as he smiled. Jody smiled back but shook her head from side to side. She was impressed, as well as surprised that each bed was neatly made and assumed it was merely due to the fact they always wanted to be ready to invite someone to cuddle or more. Jody smiled and told them she had to go start dinner and backed her way out of the room. She managed to get halfway to the stairs when she stepped on something and nearly fell. She picked up her foot to find a piece of pizza stuck to the bottom of her sandal.

"Cass, Spaz, get in here right now!" She barked just as her mother used to when she had left a mess. The two named mummies hustled out of the bedroom with high hopes that were quickly dashed. "Who is responsible for this?" She asked lifting up her leg to show off the glop that was attached to her footwear.

They both looked at each other and shrugged. Jody stood there with her arms folded. She began to tap her foot but forgot about the pizza and didn't get the effect she was looking for. "Would somebody get this off my shoe!?" She snapped.

Spaz bent over and peeled the cheese infested crust off the sandal, stood back up and proceeded to finish eating it.

"You've got to be kidding me that is disgusting! I'm going upstairs to fix dinner would you all please stay down here for a while and give me a break."

Jody took off the offended shoe and limped towards the stairs in a huff. Behind her Eddie smacked Spaz in disgust and the others just shook their heads.

The rest of the evening remained quiet as the boys stayed in the crypt giving Jody time to digest their existence.


	5. Buckets of Crazy

**Buckets of Crazy**

Jody had been grateful for the respite. She had really found herself weighing her decision on whether she was going to stay or leave. She really did care for Nigel, but had no idea eight mummies were a part of the package. Just thinking about it made her question her sanity, mummies, really? Perhaps it was all just a dream—that must be it, it was a dream, she decided, she had dreamt it all.

The next morning she found herself humming an unfamiliar tune as she prepared and ate her breakfast. She then decided that working in the yard would be a great way to spend the day. As a third grade teacher, she enjoyed her summers off and found solace in caring for plants. She walked out to the shed and was greeted by their orange, hairy, Golden Retriever/Terrier mix named Horace. He had been at the groomers much of yesterday and was now happily bounding around with much less fur.

Jody grabbed the pruners, a bucket, the wheelbarrow and a small spade and thought she would work on the rose bushes that grew around the house. As she continued to hum the odd tune, she began to wonder how it came to be in her head. She decided she must have heard it on the radio when she was cooking dinner or perhaps at a store when she was running errands.

She arrived at the first bush and began to trim where she felt necessary and cut off a few roses for the dining room table. She moved gracefully from one plant to the next making quick work of the thorny branches. Jody maneuvered the wheelbarrow as she made her way to a bush of unknown origin that looked like it had been snacked on. As she went to work she quickly noticed some of the leaves had been stripped and a branch broken off, it was then that it all came rushing back to her; there had been no dream, no nightmare, just pure reality. The mummies were real. Her head began to swirl as her denial was overcome by reality. Mummies; eight of them, eight hungry, crazy, ancient beings. Nigel had said something about them being a band but that was insane right? Right!? Her thoughts were interrupted as Nigel came out of the back calling out her name.

"There you are, I have to go into town," he huffed.

"What's the emergency?" She asked with concern.

"I got a phone call from my friend who works at the bookstore."

"And that constitutes a crisis?"

"Bob told me that Cass was running around the square again." Nigel responded, his face flush with exertion.

"Damn, I was still hoping it was a dream. I really am living in a fairytale gone wrong." Jody said looking down at the damaged branch in the wheelbarrow.

"A dream? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, I'll come and help you round up the wayward mummy," she sighed leaving her piles of discarded limbs behind.

The couple climbed up into the van and bounced down the long driveway. "It's got to be at least four miles to town. How did he get there?" Jody asked.

"It's 4.6 miles, to be exact, and he runs. That damn mummy can run all day, it drives me crazy. He gets restless and takes off. He knows he's not supposed to leave the property, yet at least twice a month I make this journey." Nigel explained.

"What do people do when they see him?"

"Generally, they run away. We tell them he is our cousin Artie whose insurance ran out at the home, and we, his wonderful family have taken pity upon him and have taken him in. He's usually harmless, but he scares people."

"Yes, I imagine he would. What does he do when he gets into town?"

"He usually splashes in the fountain, helps himself to the bins at the open air market and tries to hug everybody."

"I've only known him a few hours and yet, none of that surprises me," she said smacking her lips thinking of Java and her damaged rosebush. "Those guys aren't easy are they?"

"Let's just say they keep life interesting," Nigel said.

Jody resumed her humming and looked out the window. "Do you have any idea what song I'm humming? I've been doing it all morning and I have no idea what song it is."

"It sounds like Pants," Nigel answered.

"Say what?"

"Pants, the boys sing it. It's a song about going on a date."

"Pants is a song about going on a date?"

"Well sort of. Um, well how about I play it for you and you can decide for yourself," Nigel decided pulling out a CD from the stack and sliding it into the player. He pushed the buttons a few time and Pants came blasting out into the van.

They only had time to listen to the first part of the song, but it left Jody slack-jawed. "A date huh?"

"Yeah, it's funny right?"

"Look there he is," Jody said pointing towards the town square.

Cass was hugging some poor elderly woman who had most likely been feeding the birds. The mummy had her wrapped up in a huge embrace, the woman's arms were squashed at her sides and her face wore a look of uncertainty.

Nigel jogged towards the couple and gently put his hand on the woman's shoulder. "Ma'am, I'm so sorry about this. My cousin can be a little bit too affectionate with people. He really is harmless."

"Unless you're going out on a date with him and his pants," Jody muttered under her breath.

"Well, I had a nephew that never knew a stranger. Though he wasn't quite this—this overbearing. And his style of dress wasn't as odd."

"I would imagine not," Nigel agreed. "Artie just loves the old horror movies and The Mummy is his favorite."

"I must say he does an amazing job of transforming himself. He even smells like a mummy."

Jody's head bobbed up in down in agreement. "We are so sorry for all of this. Thank you so much for your patience and understanding. Come on Artie, let's go home."

But before Nigel could secure him, Cass was off and racing towards the fountain. He jumped in feet first and began to splash merrily in the blue tinted water.

Nigel sighed and looked at Jody. "Don't look at me; I'm not going in there after him. You're the one who gets paid to care for Artie and the gang, dive in there buddy." Jody said waving him towards the water.

Nigel sighed, took off his shoes and socks, and turned towards the fountain only to be met with a wave of water as Cass continued to splash around like a two year old gone mad. Jody, feeling sorry for Nigel, distracted the bandaged boy by calling out to him and reaching his direction. As he began to slosh his way towards her Nigel rolled up his pant legs and climbed into the fountain and managed to grab him in a bear hug from behind.

"Do you remember that we talked about this?" Nigel asked him. Cass waited a beat and then nodded. "Now if you walk nicely to the van we can go home and get something to eat." Cass once again nodded that he understood. "Okay then, let's get out of the water and get in the van."

Cass complied and allowed Nigel to lead him out of the fountain and to the van. Jody praised him along the way thinking he needed more care than her third graders.

"Sorry buddy, but you know the rules. I know you mean well, but people just don't always understand your intentions. I have something for you," Nigel paused reaching into a small duffle bag that was stashed in-between the front seats. He pulled out a bag of pretzels and handed them back to Cass who took much delight in his treat.

Jody sighed and had no idea what to make of all this. "So, it's basically like taking care of a bunch of toddlers?"

"Cass is the most adventurous, well Java keeps me hopping too, and Eddie gets caught up in stuff and Spaz, well you just never know what he is up to, ah hell, who am I kidding, they are all a handful."

"Now I'm beginning to understand why you are so tired all the time. I could never figure it out. I thought you just did yard maintenance and some bookkeeping. I had no idea you were the leader of a mummy daycare."

"They can be trying," Nigel said wrinkling his nose as he put his shoes and socks back on.

Jody completely understood the nose action. "The only thing that smells worse than a mummy is a wet mummy. He smells worse than Horace when he jumps in the pond."

"Yeah, try the guys when they jump in the pond," Nigel said rolling down his window. "It's just that they love people and can't stand to be separated from the masses. They haven't had a concert in two weeks and are getting antsy. They miss the ladies. I was hoping that with you here, it might help them stay a bit more anchored to home."

"With me here? Great, I'm den mother to a pack of bandaged miscreants. How come they don't talk?"

"Well, we're not exactly sure if it's the curse or the fact that mummies get their brains scrambled. Java can talk, but only when there is music playing."

"So if I turn on the radio we can have a conversation?" Jody asked.

"Not the radio so much, usually when we talk Cass is playing the guitar and Eddie is shaking some shaker thingy. Then Java is fluent, with the radio he isn't so smooth. We have no idea why."

"So the red and black faced vegan is the spokesman of the group? And Cass is the lead singer, but can't talk?"

"Exactly," Nigel answered looking up into the rear view mirror to check on Cass who was happily munching away on his pretzels.

"I've landed in a bad B movie," Jody said as they pulled back onto the property.

Nigel opened the gate with a remote device, the gate and attached six foot fencing that surrounded the property and had apparently not been enough of a deterrent for the wrapped wonder in the back. They wound their way back to the garage where Nigel parked and they all jumped out.

Cass stopped and looked as if he was waiting for something and Jody just folded her arms unsure of to do. Nigel came around and looked at Cass. "Go lie out in the sun and dry off. I don't want you in the house until you are completely dry. Now you know what happens when you take off." Nigel said, his face tilted to the side.

Cass just toed the ground for a moment and then took off.

"What the hell was that all about?" Jody asked as she watched the mummy charge across the yard. "Wow, he is fast."

"Like a damn gazelle," Nigel huffed. "The deal is, when one of them leaves the property I confiscate their instrument so they can't play for a couple of days. They absolutely hate that. So, with Cass, all I have to is threaten it and he takes off and grabs his guitar and hides it so that I can't take it away." Jody looked puzzled with the explanation so Nigel continued. "He hides it so I don't find it, but then doesn't play it, because he's hidden it to keep me from taking it."

"So you don't have a big fight, but in the end you have accomplished what you had wanted, by him not playing the guitar?"

"Right."

"Creative parenting. This is just nuts; the whole thing is just buckets of crazy."

"Once when BBQ got excited about seeing a convertible of young women zoom by he took off faster than Cass. All I had to do was take the mouth piece to his trumpet. He sat there for two days just cradling the instrument as if I had beheaded the thing. Anyway, he hasn't left the property without permission since."

"Without permission? You don't do field trips do you?" Jody asked envisioning all the mummies trailing behind Nigel, their hands on a rope like Kindergartners.

"Not really, but of course they go to concerts."

"And how do they pull that off. I mean their mummies for God sakes. Don't people freak out when they see them?"

"Not at all, the fans are convinced it just a bunch of guys that dress like mummies, refuse to talk and never break character."

Jody raised her eyebrows. "For real? Well I suppose it would be nuts to believe the truth. I just can't imagine how the whole thing works."

"Next time they have a concert in the area we will go and you can see for yourself. They really are amazing musicians."

"Yeah, pants and all," Jody mumbled.

The rest of the afternoon went by without incident. Jody went back to trimming the bushes only breaking for lunch. Late in the afternoon she decided a quick dip in the pool sounded like a good idea and she quickly changed into her bathing suit and grabbed a towel.

Nigel had put the pool in last year as a birthday present to himself. It was a massive thing that was seven feet deep at one end. She loved to swim for exercise and usually ended her session by floating around for a while. As she lay back on the floating chair, enjoying the calm she suddenly felt exposed. She opened her eyes and was relieved to see her bathing suit was where it should be, but then realized why she had felt so odd; there were six pairs of eyes on her, watching as she bobbed around on top of the water.

Java, Spaz, Eddie, The Flu, BBQ and Rah were all gazing her way with looks of intense delight on their face. "Guys, really? I'm trying to relax here." Jody stated.

After a few more minutes of being the main attraction she realized that her private moment was long gone. She dove back into the water and swam over to the side where her towel was hanging over a lounge chair. As began to climb out of the water, Rah reached over and helped her out while the others began to grab for her towel and jockey for position. It seemed that Eddie had the majority of the towel in his possession but The Flu was giving it all he had in effort to maintain a grasp on one corner of the brightly colored beach towel. During the ensuing scuffle Spaz had gotten pushed aside and began to run around the edge of the pool. Jody wasn't quite sure what he was doing or why he was doing it. She finally had her feet on solid cement with Rah smiling at her, still holding onto her hand, when the towel tussle escalated and BBQ and The Flu ended up in the pool with a big splash. Spaz went running by and accidentally brushed against Jody causing her to topple back into the pool. When she came back to the surface Java and Rah were now trying to gain the best position in which to assist her from the water and The Flu and BBQ were bobbing up and down next to her.

Jody sighed and swam a few feet away from the tangle of mummified limbs and climbed out herself. Spaz thankfully had turned and ran off towards the house leaving the chaos behind him. As she watched him sprint away she felt her towel being wrapped around her and turned to see a big smile on a purple face; the victor in the battle of Jody and the pool. She thanked Eddie who escorted her back to the house while the remaining four mummies continued to struggle with each other.

As they neared the house Jody heard at least another big splash or perhaps it was two splashes one right after the other. She could only imagine what was going on back at the pool. Eddie stepped ahead of her so he could open the screen door as Spaz rounded the corner and crashed into it creating a huge hole. It didn't seem to slow him down much as he fought his new mesh garment to the ground and continued on his jaunt leaving Jody to shake her head. She really just needed this day to be over.

She finally convinced Eddie that she could be left to her own devices and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. She let the lukewarm water rinse off the chlorine and the events of the day. She shampooed her hair and wondered if it be at all possible to soap up the boys in an effort to lessen their stench but quickly realized it most likely would be much harder than when she gave Horace a bath and that was nearly impossible.

Jody rinsed off and stepped out of the shower grateful that there wasn't a mummy standing there with her towel in hand. She dried off, put on fresh clothes and made her way to the kitchen to start dinner. She wondered what Nigel had been up to since lunch, but was quickly distracted by The Flu, BBQ, Rah and Java who were all laid out on their backs in the yard. She realized they must be drying off and that the secondary splashes she had heard must have been Java and Rah going into the drink. She turned around to find The Pole standing there smiling holding a loaf of bread as Cass grabbed the peanut butter and a knife. They apparently had all they needed as they both turned and left.

Jody began to understand that she would have to go to the grocery store several times a week and Bulk Bins, the huge store where you could buy everything in mass, just as often. It was a good thing that Nigel had access to a ton of money because these mummies weren't cheap. She only hoped that the hamburger that she had put in the fridge to thaw out was still there. She opened the door and was relieved to see it still sitting where she left it. She pulled it out and began to add spices and form patties.

She had dinner nearly done and was setting the table admiring the flowers that she had brought in earlier to adorn the table. They had a soft scent that seem to envelope the room and were a gorgeous pink color. She went back to the kitchen to see that all four of the drenched mummies were still sunning themselves outside. She opened the window and yelled out to them that they might want to flip over and start drying their backsides which caused a great deal of laughter from the tribe. When she turned back around Nigel was standing there with what was left of the screen from the door.

"Not again," he sighed.

"Again?"

"Spaz or Eddie?"

"Spaz. He was running around the pool, though I'm not quite sure why, and then I guess he ran over to the house and began to run around it. Eddie opened the door and blam the damage happened in an instant. But he seemed fine, well enough to continue his circular trek anyway."

Nigel sighed again. "Second time this year."

"They do keep you busy. Does he run around in circles often?"

"Yes, and I have no idea why."

"His name suits him then," Jody said as she finished tossing the salad. "Come on, carry the salad, I'll grab the hamburgers and the curly fries."

"My favorite," Nigel said.

"Yes, not the best thing for you, but I think we both need some comfort food after today."

They headed back to the dining room and set the food down only to discover the once beautiful pink flowers were now just stalks with one petal lying on the table.

"Java!" Jody growled. She ran back to kitchen window and saw that he was lying down where he had been only a moment ago, but now he seemed to be chewing.

"He likes flowers and he likes pink," Nigel explained when she got back to the table.

"I'm going to need therapy," Jody said stabbing at her salad.

The rest of their dinner went well until Nigel went to get another hamburger and all Jody heard was a moan emanate from the kitchen. She got up to discover Nigel standing there surrounded by one empty cookie sheet that had held the fries, one greasy but bare frying pan and a bowl that no longer held any salad.

Jody shook her head. "I take it the boys have been through here?"

"Yes they were, damn they can be sneaky silent when they need to be. We must need to do a grocery run."

Jody had looked out the window and saw not a mummy in sight. "Yeah, they've been raiding the kitchen constantly. You must have to shop nearly every day."

"Nah, there's a huge deep freeze, two refrigerators and a walk-in pantry in the crypt. I stock that and it generally keeps them quiet for a couple of weeks. But I guess it's been more than that since I supplied them."

"I didn't see any of that when I was downstairs."

"There's a couple of rooms off the main one."

"Eddie showed me the bedroom."

"I'm sure he did," Nigel said with a smile. "They really are harmless—well mostly."

Jody had gone to bed to the tune of Pants. She just couldn't get it out of her head and it was beginning to piss her off. All of the wet mummies had finally dried out, but they now smelled like moldy sweat socks. She had joked with Nigel earlier that evening as they cleaned up the kitchen that it would be great if they could use the pool as a giant bubble bath. He agreed it would be quite a sight.


	6. You Gonna Eat Alla That

**You Gonna Eat Alla That? **

The next morning came much too soon as far as Jody was concerned. Nigel was already up and busy with something outside. Jody showered, dressed and ate a quick breakfast before she began to plan her menu for the week and write out the grocery list. She rummaged through the cupboards, pantry and refrigerator and wrote down what they needed. As she finished up she looked out through the window over the sink and saw Java busily picking dandelions. He had such a serious look on his face she just had to smile.

"What are you doing?" Nigel asked as he came in and put his arms around her and pulled her close.

"Watching Java pick flowers, I imagine he's going to be eating them." She answered.

"It wouldn't surprise me." Nigel answered dryly. "Well you ready to go? I have the list for the boys and both BBQ and The Pole are dressed and ready."

"Ready for what?" Jody asked.

"For the store."

"Come again."

"Oh, I guess I never explained. I usually take two of the guys with me. They get to pick out their favorite foods and try some samples and they help me load and unload the van, we're talking about a hell of a lot of food and supplies. But they have to earn it, after his run to town Cass would have lost his privilege to go if it was his turn, but he has two weeks to earn points back before it's his time to go again."

"So it's a system, you award points for good behavior and take them away for bad behavior? Like I do with my class?"

"Exactly, it works out really well. Yes, they still get into things, but believe me it is so much better now. I know it may seem crazy but you have to remember their brains were kind of scrambled in the mummification process."

Jody nodded, "I remember, but how do you explain the fact that two mummies are accompanying you?"

"I dress them in clothes, long pants, sleeves and hats, only their faces show and I explain I'm taking them on an outing from the burn ward. I know I'm not being honest and I surely don't mean to offend any burn patients, that's not my intent, but it's the only way I can disguise them."

"Alrighty then," Jody said with a nod as Java walked in the door. He thrust a fistful of dandelions mixed with some fuzzy looking weeds at her and smiled.

"I think he's trying to make it up to you for eating your pink roses last night."

Jody smiled and looked at the mummy and reached out for the flowers. "Okay, Java and I are going to put these in water and I'll be out in a minute."

Nigel nodded and headed for the door leaving Jody to deal with enraptured mummy. She found a vase underneath the sink and filled it with water and stuck the flowers inside and told Java thank you and that they were a nice offering. As she set them down on the counter next to the radio she got an idea. She turned it on and then smiled at Java who had followed her.

"Let's talk buddy."

Java returned the smile and turned the knob until he found a song he liked.

Five minutes later Jody climbed into the van shaking her head.

"What?" Nigel asked as he secured his seatbelt.

"My conversation with Java," Jody replied. "I tried using the radio."

Nigel broke out into a smile. "How'd it go?"

"I could only understand three words; pretty, nice and boobies. The rest was broken up like you said and I just couldn't figure out what he was saying, though I give him an A for effort."

"I think he still got his point across," Nigel said as he waved to Java who was standing near the van waving with his world famous grin plastered on his face. Jody gave a little finger wave as they passed by him.

"Yeah I suppose so, but I'm not sure if he was saying I'm pretty, I'm nice and I have boobs or if he was saying I have pretty nice boobs." Shaking her head in confusion she turned at looked into the backseat to see BB Queen and The Pole belted in. Pole, dressed in khaki pants, a button down long sleeve shirt and fedora gave a gentle smile. BBQ was wearing baggy jeans, a long sleeve t-shirt that had some kind of character on the front and bright red canvas sneakers along with a baseball hat on top of his bandages. He looked antsy and his eyes ping ponged as he stared out the window. Jody returned her gaze to the front windshield and hoped this outing would be smooth sailing.

Since it was the middle of a weekday morning there were only a scattering of cars in the Bulk Bin parking lot. Nigel chose a spot close to the exit doors and hopped out. Jody opened her door and was surprised to find that The Pole was waiting, his hand extended to help her down from her seat. She eased herself down with his help and they all followed Nigel whose head was already bent over the shopping list.

Once inside the boys each grabbed the very large carts that the store offered and Nigel found a flatbed cart that he carefully steered towards the first aisle. "Now remember the rules guys," he reminded the wrapped ones.

Jody began to push her own cart as she watched the guys split off in three different directions. She began to check things off her list: flour, sugar, coffee, various soups, several loaves of bread, as well as many other household staples. She would occasionally catch a glimpse of Nigel or The Pole but she had yet to see BBQ.

The Pole had two giant bags of shrimp that seemed to be big enough to feed a third world nation as well as boxes of fish sticks and a ton of frozen hamburger patties. He politely bowed his head at Jody and continued on his way towards the next aisle.

Nigel was carefully stacking huge boxes of cereal that were approximately the size of a refrigerator on the end of the flatbed that was already full of paper towels, toilet paper, boxes of crackers, jars of pickles, bags of potato chips and pretzels. She was amazed at his organizing prowess as the height of the goods continued to increase.

Jody was trying to reach the last of the multiple boxes of tissues when BBQ came into her peripheral vision and snagged it for her by jumping up from a lower shelf. He tossed it in her cart and grinned. She looked over at him to see a cart full of coffee: ground coffee, coffee beans, single packets of coffee, flavored coffee, regular ground coffee, coffee from South America, coffee from Central America, dark coffee, rich roast coffee, latte mixes, it looked like the Columbian caffeine cartel had dumped its entire supply into his cart. BB looked up at Jody whose jaw had fallen open as she stared at the contents of his cart, and swung around back to the front of his cart and took off towards the energy drink aisle.

Nigel and the boys had paid for and taken out their first loads while Jody finished up. By the time she put the last few items in her cart they had each packed up another cart full of necessities. But now BB was hugging an espresso machine and shaking his head back and forth as Nigel was trying to pry it away from the mummy.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"BBQ wants an espresso machine and it's just not going to happen right now," Nigel said as he tried to smile.

"Maybe for his birthday then," Jody offered.

BBQ turned and looked at Jody with hope in his eyes. "Undead day, they guys celebrate their undead day—and maybe, just maybe," Nigel said finally getting the machine away from him.

Nigel had told her they generally shopped every other week and she couldn't imagine what the total expenses averaged out to be each month. His great-grandfather must have left behind quite sum of money in order to support this tribe of musical nomads.

The back of the van was loaded to the brim as they began head for home. It had to have taken quite a bit of skill to wedge all that food in there. Even so, both The Pole and BBQ had to rest their feet atop boxes of applesauce and macaroni and cheese.

They were heading out of town when Jody spied the Farmer's Market. "I want to get some fresh produce. I enjoy it and Java can't keep eating my flowers. If we invest in some greens then perhaps my flower garden will have a better chance of surviving."

Nigel pulled over and gave an apologetic look at the two mummies. BBQ shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "I told you not to drink that pot of coffee before we left. Now you'll just have to hold it. Why didn't you go back at the store?"

The mummy shook his head and began to pantomime something that finally reminded Nigel of the incident that took place a couple of months ago. He couldn't recall details just a bunch of screaming women running from the area near the bathrooms.

Jody was busy examining cucumbers, tomatoes, different lettuces, green beans and all other things organic. She was busily filling up her basket and had to go back for another one. As she finally headed up to pay Nigel warned the boys to stay put and hopped out of the van with his credit card in hand.

"You don't have to pay for this," Jody said fishing for her own plastic card.

"Java will eat at least half of this if not more. In fact he'll be ecstatic that somebody shares the same passion for vegetables that he does."

"How about we split it then," Jody offered.

"Fine, anything to get home," Nigel sighed.

With bags in everybody's lap except for Nigel's the van once again headed for home.

Jody was nearly exhausted from the shopping trip and was beyond grateful that it had gone so well. But now as she saw everything that needed to be put away she just wanted to take a nap. But envisioning the yard and house nothing but a sea of macaroni, candy and lettuce leaves, she knew that there was no other choice but to get started. She began her trek, with her bag full of produce and was pleased to see both mummies following her with the rest of the greenery. They set their bags down on the kitchen floor and then ran back to the front yard stripping clothes off as they went and fell in line to help bring in the remaining items.

Jody began stuff her items into the fridge but couldn't help but take peeks out of the window. All eight of the guys had fallen in line and began to unload the van and carry the items towards the house. She hadn't seen Nigel in some time so she assumed he was at the end of the procession and was busy organizing. Apparently the mummies could be very dependable when it came to their behavior and the procurement of food.


	7. Bed, Bath and Beyond

**Bed, Bath and Beyond**

Later that evening as she was returning from her classroom at school, where she had dropped some supplies off, she saw a large custom bus roll past her. She wondered what a bus like that was doing on their quiet road. A minute later she pulled into the driveway, parked her car and thought she heard splashing in the pool. She hoped it wasn't another mummy free-for-all and was relieved to see Nigel doing the back stroke.

"How do you get so lucky as to swim alone?" She asked.

"Well first of all, the guys aren't nearly as interested in me as they are in you. And secondly, they just left for the weekend, three concerts in varying states," he replied.

"That must have been their bus I saw," Jody said as she connected the dots. "Where is that thing kept?"

"In the huge pole barn in the back. The guys won't be back until Sunday sometime. We officially have the place to ourselves."

"Well in that case, I'll go get my suit on," Jody said with a grin.

Once in the house she couldn't get over the quiet. Even though the guys spent much of their time outside or in the crypt, ambient noise was always all around, grunts, thumps and laughter were almost a constant. Jody made her way to the bedroom she shared with Nigel and found her swimsuit in her top drawer that held all her undergarments. She fished it out but noticed that her stacks of underwear were in disarray. Her shoulders slumped as she envisioned Java elbows deep in her private wears. She tried to see if anything was missing but she couldn't tell for certain. But one thing she did know was that Nigel was going to hear all about it.

She slammed the door behind her so fast and hard that she shut her towel in it and had a tough time pulling it free. Jody then stomped over to the pool and threw the towel down and flung her flip-flops off of her feet and growled.

"Is something wrong?" Nigel asked as he pulled himself out of the pool near where she was standing.

"Somebody – and I have my suspects – went through my underwear drawer and I am not pleased. That crosses the line Nigel, our bedroom is private – absolutely off limits and my dresser is totally out of the jurisdiction of grubby mummy fingers. I just can't believe that he or they or Java did this," she spat out, her face turning red. "To think that I made sure he had plenty of good food and that I felt sorry for him the other day. What was I thinking!?"

Nigel just stood there and let Jody rant. She was pacing as the words spewed forth. Finally she got winded and stopped.

"It wasn't Java," Nigel said calmly.

"Then which one of them, I was sure he was the culprit, I mean – it's Java, this would be right up his alley."

"It wasn't any of them. They know that they are never, ever to go in that bedroom unless it is a total emergency or they have permission."

"And because of that you don't think that they snuck in?"

"I know it wasn't any of them, because it was me. I thought that since we would have the place to ourselves with no possible interruptions we could – you know, have a little fun. I was looking for those lacy panties that I bought you last Valentine's Day."

Jody flushed from her outburst, blinked several times and then gave a sheepish smile. "Oh, I just thought, well you know what I thought. I keep those in the closet with that black teddy. You're sure it was you?"

"Absolutely. Look I know the boys can get into things and occasionally say and do inappropriate things, but there are boundaries even they don't cross and that is one of them. They would never want to do anything that would hurt you."

Jody stood there quietly. "I guess I overreacted."

Nigel sighed. "No, not really, not under the circumstances. I mean, I sprung eight mummies on you out of the blue and you have actually handled it quite well. And you're right, rummaging through in an underwear drawer is right up Java's alley, but I don't think even he would cross that line. They have it too good here, and they are all pranksters, but they also hold respect for those they are close to. And I know they already feel all warm and fuzzy towards you."

"Wonderful," Jody said dryly.

The next morning they woke up to a silent house and that stayed quiet all day. Jody kept expecting to be interrupted during her daily chores and even found herself glancing out the window waiting to catch a glimpse of bandages. She put a pot roast with veggies and potatoes in the slow cooker and threw in a load of laundry which put her near the stairwell to the crypt. She decided to brave it and headed down the steps. An odor that reminded her of damp jockstraps hit her halfway down and she ran back up for her Febreze. Well-armed she attempted the journey once again, spraying as she went.

She hit the light switch and found the dimmer and turned it all the way up. What it revealed made her drop the aerosol can on her big toe. Jumping up and down and cursing she shook her head. The clothes that The Pole and BB Queen had worn the other day were wadded up in one corner. There were empty food bags, boxes and wrappers everywhere. The couch held more crumbs than she ever thought imaginable and there were various stains all over the room.

She then walked over to the bedroom and found the sheets on every bed in total disarray. Apparently they were no longer concerned about impressing her. Once again there were wrappers, plates, and cups everywhere as well as a fork stuck in the side of a lampshade. She retreated back to the main room and stubbed her toe on a small pink tricycle that had been holding up a towel. She had no idea what the heck they did with that. She limped over to the bathroom and after taking a look she ran back out. There were two urinals and two toilets as well as three shower stalls and one large tub and each one of them were disgusting. She wondered how they were so dirty since none of them ever seem to have that just-showered smell. And she tried to visualize how the toilets and urinals came into play but then realized what went in must come out. She tried to shake that image from her head as she turned back around to catch her breath.

The studio area seemed to be quite tidy in comparison, though there were pieces of paper strewn everywhere. There were handwritten notes along with musical notes that must be works in progress. She was tempted to take a look but the Febreze was beginning to wear thin and she needed to get some air.

She saw Nigel fixing the front storm door that Spaz had run through and went over to him, breathing in the fresh air. "Almost done," he said. "What have you been up to?"

"Laundry, cleaning that sort of thing."

"Sounds about as much fun as what I've been up to. I'm trying to catch up on fixing a few things and I need to clean out that barn now that the bus is gone. A lot of things have just been tossed in there. I was hoping we could go on a picnic or something but I'm afraid I just have too much to do today."

"No problem, I have my hands full too," Jody said with visions of the filthy crypt in her head. "Besides I have dinner percolating in the slow cooker."

Quite a bit later that day Jody wiped the sweat from her brow. She had tossed in yet another load of mummy laundry. She had emptied the one closet that held the clothing the guys wore when they went out in public. It was quite clear that they were taken off, tossed down, and then eventually in some way made their way back to the closet, wrinkled and oh-not-so-fresh. She filled her basket with eight individual outfits and then went back down to retrieve eight sets of sheets and blankets. The washing machine hadn't stopped in hours.

She vacuumed the couch and took the cushions outside to sit in the sun. She did the same with the area rug and all of the cushions from the various pieces of furniture. She wasn't up to hauling the mattresses up the stairs so she sprayed those with fabric refresher and wiped down all the nightstands and dusted the lamps which were dirtier than the boys themselves.

She then peeked back into the bathroom and shuddered. She tied a bandana around her mouth and nose and flushed everything twice and then sprayed disinfectant as if her life depended on it. She then ran back out and organized the studio area by stacking up all the papers and dusting everything. She then swept the entire floor that wasn't covered by a rug and moved the tricycle into an unused corner. She was trying to figure out how to clean the TV remote control from the gobs of stickiness when Nigel came down.

"Here you are. I was wondering what happened to you."

"I've been busy cleaning. These guys make wild animals look organized." Jody said.

"They do tend to throw themselves into everything, including dirt, crumbs and well—their music," he finished with smile, glad that he had been able to come up with something he felt comfortable saying.

"Well I've made a lot of progress," Jody said. "I need to check the sheets out on line, does it look like rain?"

"A chance of showers later tonight, but its fine for now. Are those all of their sheets hanging out there?"

"Not all, the rest are still in the washer or waiting to go in. Have they ever been washed? I had to run a couple of sets through twice."

"I'm not surprised," Nigel said with a wince. "But you didn't have to do all this. I have a cleaning crew that come in a couple of times a month when the guys are gone to do all this, well probably not all of this, but they at least get the top layer of grunge. They think it's a halfway house of some sort."

"Well I didn't know, but I'm glad that I found that out. They need to do a better job though. Their clothes need to be washed after they wear them; the sheets need to be washed on a weekly basis and that bathroom smells and looks as if it has never been cleaned. And what's up with the bathroom anyway? I mean do they really shower? I know Cass smelled worse after he was in the fountain." Jody asked.

"When my great-grandfather had this place built, it was originally for Egyptologists as well as archeologists. So he figured they could be housed down here during their stay and have a very short commute to work. Somehow he didn't expect to bring back eight living—well sort of— artifacts."

"So of course you would have complete bathroom facilities. That does make sense, but what doesn't make sense is if they aren't bathing how did everything get so dirty? What are they doing in there?" Jody asked.

"I have no idea, and I'm sure I don't want to know."

"Hmmm, I'm sure you're right. Well, maybe if I spray another round of disinfectant tonight I can tackle it tomorrow."

"I think I overpaid the last cleaning crew. We're going to have a talk on their next visit," Nigel stated as the couple retreated back up the stairs.

The couple enjoyed the next few quiet days to themselves. Nigel finished his projects and Jody finally got brave enough to tackle the bathroom. The crypt for the first time in a very long time looked and smelled halfway decent. You could see the white of the porcelain structures in the bathroom and it no longer smelled like a pig farm. The floor was free of wrappers and food particles and the eight beds were made and smelled somewhat fresh. Jody also placed several trash cans down there in hopes of getting the boys to throw their garbage away. She had even bought one of those cans with the basketball hoop on it. She was still downstairs admiring her handiwork when a clutter of noise and bandages tumbled towards her. But the chaos came to a complete stop as soon as they hit the ground floor. There was a collective gasp as the eight mummies spread out in different directions analyzing the room as if they had never seen it before. Each one was babbling and pointing and Jody wasn't sure whether it was good or bad. Java walked over to the trike and picked it up and seemed to be admonishing Spaz who just shrugged.

"It was in the middle of the floor underneath some towels," Jody explained.

The guys slithered about continuing to chatter when suddenly Jody was swept up by Eddie who held her as if she weighed nothing at all. He had a huge smile on his face and was nodding his head up and down.

"Does that mean you guys approve?" Jody asked from high atop her perch.

Cass came over and grunted his endorsement and Rah had a grin from ear to ear. Eddie finally put her down and they each took their turn hugging her in appreciation. Once that was over Jody called for their attention.

"Okay guys. It took me nearly the entire time you were gone to get this place looking like this. Now listen, you have to help me keep it looking like this. Together we can keep it clean. You'll help right fellas?" She asked.

"They'll promise you anything, but whether or not they'll actually come through is doubtful." Nigel said as he came down setting down what looked like a piece of equipment in a black case. "But I bet for you, they'll try."


	8. Creepin'

**Creepin' **

The weeks began to fly by as summer was inching closer to its end. Jody was getting busier as she prepared for the start of school. She had three weeks and one day left to enjoy her freedom, but who was counting.

Nigel had to take on a project that would have him away from home for at least one night. So to help pass the time Jody decided to have a picnic for her and the guys. She had been busy in the kitchen making the typical side dishes for the group along with a three bean salad specifically for Java. Cass had been manning the grill until he accidentally set himself on fire. But things had settled down and despite Cass being slightly charred he still had a great appetite.

Now that the food was gone. Jody sat at the picnic table and looked around her. Cass was finishing off the macaroni salad, BB Queen was running off the effects of the two energy drinks he had gulped down by chasing Spaz, who apparently got his energy naturally. Rah was laying down underneath the willow tree and the rest of the guys were sitting in the huge sand pile that Nigel had trucked in with Jody's urgings.

"It will remind them of home. I think they miss the sand sometimes, I mean they all have books about ancient Egypt that they must look at before they go to sleep every night," she had argued while pleading her case.

Nigel relented and even had a net put up so they could play volleyball and badminton, but after the ball had ended up in a nearby tree and all the badminton rackets had been broken the guys just mostly sat and sifted the sand through their fingers. The not so good part was that they now tracked sand in the house on a daily basis, but Jody didn't dare complain as it had been her idea in the first place. But on the upside, they did seem more content and a tad bit less destructive.

The wind began to pick up and she asked for help in getting all the dishes inside before the rains came. The boys surprisingly heeded her call and everything and everyone was safely in the kitchen before the first drop of rain hit.

It took her some time to get everything separated and washed up, but to ask for help would have only been detrimental. Before she knew it, the sun had set and she could hear the rumbling of distant thunder. She could hear the guys downstairs bouncing around and grunting, and Jody actually found it to be somewhat comforting. She had to admit that when they were on their concert excursions she actually missed their mischief.

She settled down with a bowl of popcorn and found an old B movie that held not only a werewolf, but a vampire, and lo and behold a mummy as well. She turned the lights on low and was so entranced at the ridiculousness of the movie she nearly choked on her popcorn when she felt a bandaged hand come in contact with hers in the bowl. She looked over and saw that each and every mummy had trekked upstairs and was now spread around the living room thoroughly mesmerized with the movie.

An hour and three bowls of popcorn later the movie was over and she could barely keep her eyes open. "Okay boys, it's time for bed, or at least it is for me, so please keep it down."

They all groaned and grunted but slowly began to make their way to the crypt. Jody looked at the popcorn strewn floor and decided that she would deal with it tomorrow. Horace was pacing and panting as he often did when a storm was coming. They had some thunder and rain earlier but it moved on, but from the sound of it round two was coming.

"Come on Horace you can sleep with Mommy tonight," she told the Golden Retriever mix.

Horace had taken his owner up on her offer as he was stretched out in Nigel's traditional spot. But he was still a bit uneasy and Jody was still awake. She went into the bathroom to get a drink and heard music wafting up her way. "So much for keeping it down," she sighed.

She decided that her pajama outfit of cut-off sweatpants and dark pink t-shirt covered enough as she carefully made her way down the stairs to the crypt. Her foot hit the floor and she looked around the large room. The TV was silent but it showed Shaggy and Scooby running from some kind monster, the couch was empty, but the music was suddenly loud and upon her.

"Hey guys!" She yelled moving towards the back wall where the studio area was. "I asked you to keep it quiet."

Cass finally saw her and stopped playing which lead to everyone else to cease the music making. "Thank you. Remember, I'm trying to sleep."

Eddie and Cass started up their own little rhythm and Java stepped forward. "We're sorry baby; we're just wanting to practice a song we're thinking about doing this weekend."

"Java, you're talking, like a normal person or mummy or whatever, I can understand you," Jody said delighted at the communication.

"Yeah baby, all I need is a funky beat to help me out. We didn't mean to keep you up, but we sure are glad to see you," he said his mouth open in a grand smile.

Jody looked down to make sure she hadn't forgotten her pants and was relieved to see she was still covered.

"You can stay and listen if you want," Java offered.

"I'll tell you what," Jody began, "you guys pick one song and sing it to me with your entire heart and soul and then, then we go to bed." Every mummy from BBQ to The Pole cheered at that idea. "Not together," Jody clarified causing a cluster of groans.

"Okay, we'll play a song and go from there," Java said. "And baby, we always sing with our heart and soul." He then went over to Cass and whispered in his ear and signaled the rest of the group what song they would play.

Jody rolled her eyes but motioned for them to continue. Cass counted out to four and began to play Everlasting Party. Despite her fatigue she found her hips swaying to the music and by the time they were done Jody was smiling.

"That was great, you guys are really talented, I'll tell you what, let me know when your next nearby concert is and I'll try and get there. However for right now…" But before she could finish there was a flash of lightening followed by a huge boom and the crypt went totally dark. It was deathly quiet for about three seconds, then she could hear what she assumed were instruments being careful set down and then sudden chaotic footsteps, followed by a stampede, and before she could react she was lifted up and carried upstairs at a rapid rate of speed.

Everybody took a moment to catch their breath and allow their eyes to better adjust. Jody turned her head to see that it had been Eddie who had scooped her up. "Okay, why don't you put me down and I'll grab some flashlights." Eddie complied and gently set her down and took a step back as Jody regained her footing.

"You know I would think you guys would be comfortable in the dark, I mean you spent thousands of years in the dark," she said as she felt her way to the utility closet and fished out four flashlights and three battery operated lanterns. She thought it best to leave the candles alone as one flaming mummy per day was more than enough.

She handed three of the flashlights off to the guys, kept one for herself and set the lanterns on the coffee table. "Okay, why don't you guys take two of the lanterns and your flashlights and head to bed?" Her suggestion was met with dead silence. BBQ lit his face up with the flashlight, head shaking back and forth. "For real? You're afraid of being downstairs even with the flashlights and lanterns?"

BBQ's face, still lit up, nodded up and down. "Oh for Pete's sake," Jody mumbled. "Fine, go downstairs and get your bedding, you can sleep up here on the floor in the living room," she shouted as the guys had practically hurtled themselves downstairs to retrieve the necessary items.

Jody stomped off to her bedroom mumbling the whole way, "full grown mummies afraid of the dark, that's just crazy, well Horace we're sleeping in here," she said as she looked at the bed. "Ah who am I kidding," she sighed as she pulled off her blanket, sheets and pillow. "Come on boy, somebody has to keep an eye on those guys."

They made their way back to the living room with Horace snuffling up some of the dropped popcorn as he went. Jody tossed her bedding on the couch and put her lantern on the coffee table. By the time she tucked her sheet into the cushions and turned around all of the guys had arranged themselves across the entire living room floor. She dimmed the lantern and decided this had to be the absolute most bizarre slumber party ever.

"Okay guys, it's time for sleep," Jody ordered before she punched her pillow and finally laid her head down.

The thunder and lightning wasn't as intense as it had been, but they were still very much in the dark. Jody heard a cough or two and then some lip smacking; it didn't take a genius to realize who was doing what. "Cass, stop eating the popcorn off the floor and go to sleep!"

There was a huff and grumble of some sort and then silence. Finally quiet, Jody thought as she drifted off to sleep.

She wasn't sure what woke her up at first. Jody quietly sat up and looked around, it took her a minute to realize exactly where she was, and why there were eight slumbering mummies in the living room. As her eyes adjusted, and with the help of the glow from the lantern she saw that all eight mummies were accounted for and were sound asleep. But Horace, who had been snoozing near The Pole, was gone and that's when she heard a very low growl from near the front of the house. Horace loved everybody, most especially anyone and everyone who lived in the house. He took his job as family pet very seriously and did a great job at being active, loyal and loving so Jody had no idea what could be bothering the mixed breed.

She got up and carefully tip-toed her way through the tangle of limbs fearing if she accidentally stepped on one she might crush it into dust. She finally made it through the ancient obstacle course and found Horace standing by the front door growling towards the darkened abyss.

Jody squinted her eyes but with the pole lights out, the yard was nothing but darkness. Horace was most definitely zeroed in on something he was concerned about. Suddenly there was a flash of lightning and she saw a figure jogging towards the house. Jody inhaled sharply as the dog continued to growl. "Stay here," she whispered to Horace.

Jody quietly made her way to the bedroom, grabbed the penlight from her nightstand and then rummaged through Nigel's top dresser drawer until she finally found what she wanted. Once she had the key she then went to the gun safe in the back of the closet and pulled out the shotgun. She then rummaged around until she found the shells and did her best to load the gun by the sliver of light radiating from the penlight that was wedged in her mouth.

Jody pulled the gun close as she silently slipped out the door and into the rain with Horace on her heels. She crept close to the house as she scanned the darkness for any signs of the intruder. Suddenly there was light just a few feet away from her, a small flashlight had been switched on, revealing what looked to be a teenage boy. He pointed the light into the lower window which looked right into the crypt. She took a few steps closer to him and pumped the shotgun and told him not to move. The boy dropped the flashlight and was visibly shaking. "I'm sorry, I wasn't going to do anything I swear," he stammered.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as sternly as she could.

"It's Kyle's fault," the boy replied.

"Who's Kyle?"

"My cousin, he dared me."

"Dared you to what?"

"To come here, he said there were mummies here and said I wasn't brave enough to go look for myself."

"Mummies? What are you stupid? Come on kid, wake up. He just wanted to laugh at you."

"What do you mean?"

"Listen, what's your name?" she asked.

"Colin."

"Listen Colin, if there really are mummies don't you think you would be in quite a bit of danger right now, what kind of guy is your cousin, offering you up to the undead or the dead or whatever they technically are? And if there aren't mummies he sending you off on a wild goose chase in the middle of the night in the middle of a storm. Either way you lose."

The boy just stood there, his mind slowly processing what Jody had just said.

"Don't you get it? You're a fool either way."

"I guess," he answered, still trying to piece everything together.

"Consider yourself lucky that I didn't come out here firing. Now get off my property before the dog decides to stop being so nice!"

On cue, Horace lifted his lip and growled in a somewhat menacing way and began to walk towards the boy who picked up his fallen flashlight and decided it was probably in his best interest to listen to Jody's suggestion. Colin quickly took off in the general vicinity of the front yard. Horace brought up the rear making sure the property was once again safe.

Jody watched the shape disappear into the night, seeing only the flashlight beam bounce around. She leaned back against the house and took a deep breath and realized she was shaking. She wasn't sure if it was from being wet or from her recent experience. She tried to take deep breaths as she waited for Horace to return.

Horace finally romped his way back, his tail high in the air, quite proud of himself. He then went over to Jody and slipped in under her hand trying to calm her a bit; as if to say it was okay now. The two made their way to the front door and Jody was surprised when she was met by eight mummies with frantic eyes. They backed up as the two made their way inside, all eyeing the gun as if it was going to bite them.

"Have you been shot at before?" Jody asked. She could see that it wouldn't be out of the question if they had ever been seen wandering around by the general public. But of course her inquiry was met with a lot of mumbling along with some shrieks, which sort of did answer her question.

She left the guys milling around and secured the gun and grabbed some towels as she made her way back to the living room. She tried to towel off Horace as best she could and finally got Rah to help her by showing him what she wanted. As Rah dutifully rubbed Horace off, she suddenly felt a towel sliding up and down her back. She turned to look and came face to face with Java's wide grin. As her head was looking behind her suddenly she was being dried from the front. Her head spun back around to see Flu working studiously on her front half.

"Guys, it's okay, I've got it," she snapped as she pulled to towels from each one of them. She decided to just go back to the couch instead of going back to the bedroom and changing her clothes. She settled back into the cushions and pulled the cover over herself and noticed that each and every mummy was still standing, watching her.

"Go back to bed guys," she snapped causing them to run around in circles a la Single, Double, Triple choreography. It took them nearly five minutes to find their original spots and settle back down. Jody just pulled the blanket over her head and pretended she was living somebody else's life.


	9. A Pool of Mummies

**A Pool of Mummies **

The chirping birds finally woke Jody up the next morning. Her eyelids fluttered open and it took her well over a minute to remember why she was sleeping on the couch surrounded by mummies. It all finally came back to her: losing power, scared mummies, the intruder outside, really scared mummies, which all equaled to the odd sleeping arrangements. She sat up and stretched her arms towards the ceiling and noticed that Cass and BB Queen were beginning to stir. She rubbed her head and found that her hair was stiff and sticking out in very unfashionable ways. Jody imagined that she looked much worse than any mummy that was before her.

Finally the rest of the crew began to greet the day by stretching and yawning, as they too, looked around and tried to remember why they were where they were. Jody's stomach growled as she realized she was starving.

"Okay guys, clean up your bedding and I'll start on breakfast. Put some in the washer and leave the rest in front of it. But don't turn it on, that washing machine is very particular about how it is loaded. Then take the new sheets out of the closet downstairs, the ones I just bought you and make your beds. Then either go run around outside or if you think you can do it nicely, you can help me get breakfast ready."

The boys slowly gathered up their bedding and began to shuffle towards the laundry area. Jody stood there surveying the carpet. "Good grief, I've never seen so much popcorn, its worse than a movie theater in here, and my white carpet is now beige and brown, you guys are the biggest slobs," she ranted to no one in particular. She let out one big sigh and headed to the bathroom.

After Jody washed her face and pulled her hair back into a short ponytail she got started on breakfast. Relieved that the power had come back on some time over night she whipped up a batch of pancakes while the bacon was frying and got a bunch of eggs out in preparation to start scrambling soon. Cass made his way into the kitchen and proceeded to start popping bread into the toaster two slices at a time. He carefully buttered each slice and when he thought Jody wasn't looking he would add cinnamon sugar to some and eat them.

"Cass if you keep eating the toast there won't be enough for the rest of the guys," Jody warned.

Cass wiped the sugar off of his mouth and put up his right index finger as if he had a brilliant idea. He then wandered off momentarily, only to return with another loaf of bread and two boxes of pop tarts. He then began to put in one slice of bread and one pop tart, eating the colorful offering as soon as it came up and burning his tongue each time.

Jody was patting the extra grease off of the last batch of bacon with her right hand as she was scrambling the eggs with her left hand. It was then she realized that nothing on the breakfast menu was suitable for Java. "Crap, what am I going to feed him? There are eggs and milk and meat in everything," she said out loud.

Cass once again hopped down and disappeared and came back with a couple of small boxes in his hand. He tapped Jody on the shoulder and handed them over. "Soy sausage and tofu scramble?" She asked the mummy who just nodded back. "People eat this stuff?" Once again Cass nodded. "Okay then, can you set the table for me?" Cass nodded a third time and began to grab plates and silverware.

Jody didn't dare ask him to set the food on the table; she figured he would eat it all long before it got there. She hoped she had made enough, she still couldn't believe how much these undead guys ate. She was able to fix Java's options quickly and even dumped some granola in a bowl and grabbed some almond milk to go on top. She then saw some fresh fruit and whipped up a quick fruit salad. She took a quick deep breath and began to make her way to the table. She figured she could get all the food arranged and then call the guys in, but she was quite surprised when she found them all sitting quietly waiting for her. They all sat, with hands in their laps and a calm demeanor. For a moment she thought she was in the wrong house until she realized this was most likely the only house that held living mummies.

"Well, look how nice you're all being," she said as she set down the plates of pancakes and eggs along with the bottle of syrup she had hanging off of her pinkie finger. She then returned to the kitchen and got the bacon and fruit salad. She feared what the table would look like when she returned, but found them all still calmly waiting for her. She set those items down and finally returned with Java's breakfast and the mountain of toast that Cass had made.

"Okay," she said, still in shock at the good behavior, "Java that's your stuff and of course the fruit," she explained as she pointed to the plate and bowl she had set down near the mummy.

Java pulled his food over his way and then everyone passed all the other plates of food around quietly. Jody had no idea what had come over these guys but she was enjoying it while it lasted. She heard forks and fingers hitting the plates. There was a lot of lip smacking and grunts, but she knew there would be no hope of getting past their unique dining noises. Once everybody was done they all took their plates and utensils into the kitchen. Jody followed with hers and saw the kitchen filled with mummies. "Okay guys, I'll take it from here, why don't you go do something productive while I clean up the kitchen and the living room?"

It took a minute but they all found their way out the door. Jody heard their grunts and groans growing quieter as they vacated the area. She stuffed as many dishes as she could into the dishwasher and did the rest by hand. Then rearranged the sheets in the washer and started the first of many loads. She then turned her attention towards the living room carpet. She looked at the vacuum cleaner and decided to use the shop vac that was out in the garage. She went to work with the large tube and sucked up what had to be equivalent to an extra-large tub of popcorn. In the rush to get the food to their mouths the boys seem to drop more than they ate, except for this morning, just an hour ago they had done a complete 180 and actually acted like human beings. They were patient and neat. Instead of their typical starving wolf routine they truly had found some manners. She wondered what had brought it on and how long it would last.

Jody finished vacuuming up the popcorn, Horace hair and bits of who knows what and then trudged over and pulled out the carpet cleaner. She dug out the instructions and special cleaner and went to work.

Jody dumped the last of the filthy water down the tub drain and pushed her hair off of her face. She was exhausted and very sweaty. But the carpet was back to its original shade of white. She made her way back over to the washer and switched the sheets into the dryer. She had no idea how she was going keep up with everything when she went back to work. These mummies needed almost as much supervision as her students did. She was just glad that nobody had run off to town or disappeared while Nigel was gone. But her relief was short-lived as she realized it was quiet, too quiet, way too quiet. With the hum of the carpet cleaner she had no idea how long it had been silent.

She ran downstairs hoping to find the crew lounging around, watching some inappropriate movie, but alas, the crypt was calm and empty. Her heart began to pound as she stomped her way back up the stairs. She ran outside and saw an empty front yard, no mummies in the sand pit, no mummies under the trees, no mummies anywhere. She ran around the house and found the same state in the back. She then remembered Nigel telling her about the garage where the bus was housed. Maybe they were in there or on the bus, could any of them drive? Would they have left? Did they have a concert scheduled? Was she too hard on them? The thoughts and fears were rocketing around her head so fast she nearly ran into the door of the garage. She flung it open and was once again was met with silence. She checked the bus, each sleeping compartment on the bus, even the bathroom, though she did so with much trepidation. She jumped out of the bus and looked in every corner of the garage and then sat down and put her head between her knees as she realized that she had lost all eight mummies. Nigel would hate her, how could she have allowed this to happen? She had never lost a student, but in one swoop, eight, undead, bandaged musicians had just vanished.

After several minutes she realized she had better go looking for them. Maybe they had just jumped over the fence and were nearby, maybe somebody had called Nigel to report a sighting and he had called her cell phone which she hadn't answered because she hadn't heard it. Maybe this would all be okay, maybe she would find them, all of them not just some of them, because they all needed to be safe. Tears began to flow as she thought about them lost and scared. She recalled their fear at seeing the gun, hell their fear of the dark. What if they thought she was mad at them and left? What if it was all her fault?

She finally forced herself to get up and head back to the house. She was going to check her cell phone and if it didn't yield any answers she was going to drive until she found them. As she neared the house she thought she heard something. She stopped and listened again. She had heard something; a splash and then a grunt. They were in the pool, the one place she hadn't checked because they hadn't seemed all that fond of the chlorinated water. Besides they got a little heavy when those bandages got soaked. She took off at a run, her flip-flops smacking her feet as she went. The closer she got the more her heart pounded. She finally cleared the row of pine trees and saw the pool was indeed full of mummies. She ran over and opened the gate and stopped on the edge of the water and counted eight heads bobbing in the water.

"Oh thank God. I thought, I thought you guys were gone. You scared me half to death, what are you doing in the pool?" But before she could try and decipher the grunts she realized exactly what they were doing. Suds were oozing out of the water and onto the concrete deck and the air had a lavender scent. She looked over at the gallon sized bubble bath container that held the Bulk Bins logo and she was sure it must be empty.

She took a deep breath and wasn't sure what she was feeling. First, she was quite relieved that they were all safe and accounted for, second; she wasn't too thrilled that they had turned the pool into a giant bubble bath, but soon realized this was most likely her fault. They must have overheard her and Nigel that one day in the kitchen about bathing in the pool, and of course they heard her complain about what big slobs they were and how filthy the carpet had been. They were bathing for her. The breakfast behavior, the bath, they were trying to be helpful. Jody didn't know what to think of this new display of behavior.

She looked up and saw arms waving her into the pool, faces full of smiles and goodwill wanting her to join them. Jody had never been what you would call spontaneous, but walking away from them just didn't seem right. She looked down at her cutoff shorts and dark pink top and decided she would probably be okay if they got soaked. Horace, who had been playing with a Frisbee on the deck decided to join the fun and jumped straight into the school of mummies. Java smiled and beckoned her; he even had the brush from her bathroom and was scrubbing his armpit. She furrowed her brow at that fact and mentally added 'buy new bath brush' underneath 'call pool guy' on her list.

She finally took a deep breath, stepped back a few feet, kicked off her flip flops and made a mad dash into the pool much to the delight of eight, living, breathing, mummies.

Two weeks later she found herself leaning against a barricade as Nigel continued to play paparazzi taking pictures left and right. She had noticed several familiar faces around her; the guy from the farmers market, the owner of the book store, and a few employees from Bulk Bins.

"Look, my back is starting to throb; we stood in line for two hours to get the chance to be in here and stand for just as long and for what?" She demanded to know.

Nigel had promised Jody a fun night for her birthday, but so far she didn't appear to be having a great time. They had had a wonderful candlelight dinner the night before and enjoyed the quiet as the boys were out of town. He had given her a beautiful crystal vase to hold the flowers that she had so tenderly grown. Earlier in the day they had had a picnic and lovely walk through the woods and he thought this would be the perfect way to cap it off. But he had forgotten about the waiting. Patience was a virtue that was hard to come by, especially when you had no idea what you were waiting for.

"I promise you'll have fun," Nigel said with a smile and then took a quick picture of her grumpy face.

"I recognize several people in here, what is going on? Why am I here and what is going to happen?"

"It will be clear in a minute, I promise." He was getting tired of making promises that he had no way of keeping.

But before Jody could complain again a cheer rose up from the crowd of nearly a nine hundred as that familiar song began. A few minutes later the drumbeat began as Jody strained to see what was going on. Nigel wiggled her around so she would have a better view, but she was too short to see over anybody's head. She moved back towards the barricade and crammed her foot in-between the bars and atop of the bottom rung, this gave her another couple of inches which was all she needed to see the boys banging away as they parted the crowd on their way up to the stage. Suddenly Jody's back didn't seem to bother her anymore and Nigel's promises looked as if they stood a chance.

For the next ninety minutes she lost herself in the music, the moment, the funk. She suddenly realized that her basement was no longer full of mummies but full of musicians. These guys were good, damn good, and whatever happened thousands of years ago to preserve them was a godsend. She wanted to yell out to the world that she had taken a bubble bath with them a mere two weeks ago. That she cooked for them, cleaned up for them, had a giant slumber party with them. But alas, she knew she could never share any of that. It was clear that they were loved dearly and nobody would ever believe they were really mummies who lived in an actual basement crypt—in _**her**_ basement—below where _**she**_ lived. That they really couldn't talk and hardly ever bathed and Spaz really did run into doors and that The Flu was fascinated with boxes and that Cass ate all the time. But it was evident to everybody in the crowd that these guys had more than enough chemistry on stage to power a small nation—a big nation—any nation. And they were hers.


	10. Not So Secret Santa

**Not So Secret Santa**

Four months later—

The original plan had been for Jody's parents to come to the house for a quiet dinner and gift exchange, but in the end they decided they couldn't expect the boys to stay quiet for fifteen minutes much less three hours. So Jody and Nigel took the gifts and went to their house and had a wonderful and relaxing time, but as they came home and through the front door, relaxation time was clearly over.

"What the hell?" Nigel asked as they found The Pole, sitting down, his back leaning against the archway to the living room. The Flu was leaning against the other side making for an interesting pair of bookends. Their eyes were closed and they appeared to be asleep.

"Why would they sleep here?" Jody asked as she ripped down yet another sprig of mistletoe. The boys had made it their number one job to hang the damn plant all over the house. Every time she took one down, two more popped up. They had even gone so far as to put some over the kitchen sink, the washing machine, her spot at the dining room table and over the toilet, which did not amuse her.

"I have no idea." Nigel replied.

They went a little further to find BB Queen curled up in a ball, his thumb near his mouth, but not quite in it. He also was out of it. In the dining room they found Cass sitting at the table face down on an empty plate and Rah under the table, legs and arms splayed outwards.

"Okay, one, two, three, four, five," Jody counted. "We're missing Spaz, Eddie and Java."

They continued the search and moved towards the kitchen.

"Found Spaz," Jody yelled out as she walked into the kitchen. He was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the cabinets, the container of hummus a few feet away from him.

"What went on here while we were gone?" Nigel asked as he made his way next to Jody.

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," Jody said.

"What?" Nigel questioned.

"When we were going to have my parents over, I told John and Lisa that we would have time to stop by their party."

"And?"

"Well, with the change in venue we didn't have the time so I told her we would drop off the Jell-O on the way to my parents."

"I still don't follow," Nigel said as he picked up the hummus and sniffed it to see if it was still good.

Jody went over and opened the refrigerator door. "Yup, it's gone—the nearly one hundred percent alcohol Jell-O shot cake is gone."

"That rainbow thing? What did you infuse it with? Moonshine?"

"No, John brought Everclear, 190 proof. He warned me it was super strong." Jody said.

"He wasn't kidding. I take it that would be the plate that was under Cass?"

"Yep, the plate with Christmas trees on it. Oh man, they got drunk and passed out."

"I can't believe the house is still standing," Nigel said as he looked around.

"It probably hit them quickly," Jody answered. "We still need to find Eddie and Java."

They went back the way they came, checking in corners and behind the couch as they went. Finally Nigel yelled out, "Found Eddie!" Causing Jody to jog into the bedroom.

"Oh hell no. He is not sleeping on our bed." She stated as she saw Eddie sprawled out across the queen sized bed.

"Of course he isn't, but let's find Java and then we'll figure everything out." Nigel looked under the bed and in the closet but no Java.

"I checked the bathroom and he wasn't in there. What if he fell down the stairs and is lying at the bottom. Nigel you go look, I don't think I can. What if he's hurt or worse?"

"He'll be fine, limbs can be reattached and he's survived this long I doubt a tumble down the stairs will do too much to him. But I'll check. If I didn't know better I'd say that you are getting attached to these guys."

"Humpf," she said, but of course she was, all one had to do was look at the piles of gifts under the tree to see that.

They both crept towards the crypt, Nigel going first with Jody straining her neck to see around him. They both saw that the landing at the bottom of the stairs didn't hold a broken mummy and sighed in relief.

"Of course," Jody suddenly said, pushing past Nigel.

"Of course what?" Nigel asked, momentarily stunned at Jody's sudden revelation that she, apparently, was unwilling to share.

By the time Nigel caught up, Jody was standing in front of the crypt couch where Java was sitting in the middle, playing X-Box sharing the last of the Sweet Potato chips with Horace who was sitting to the mummy's left.

Jody turned to a confused Nigel and explained. "Jell-O, of course Java wouldn't partake in Jell-O. See, so he's sober and having a great time not having to share anything."

"Right, except his chips with the dog," Nigel said, clearly not understanding any of it.

"Jell-O has animal by-products in it; therefore Java wouldn't eat or slurp as the case might be, any of it. So while the others got bombed and passed out, he is still totally sober and—playing X-Box because that's totally normal for a mummy." She finished with a tight smile.

"How does he even know what's in Jell-O, I don't even know what's in it?" Nigel asked.

"Because he reads and watches documentaries," Jody explained as if it were obvious. "You should start; you might learn a few things."

Nigel was taken aback just a bit at Jody's admonishment and Java's shit eating grin didn't help either. "Well," he said gathering himself, "he can help us with those that did partake of the high octane jiggly dessert."

"Why don't we grab everybody's blankets and just tuck them in where they lay, except for Eddie." Jody suggested.

"Fine," Nigel replied.

"I'm sorry baby; I didn't mean to snap on you, I'm just tired and mad at myself for forgetting the Jell-O cake. I'm sure John and Lisa aren't happy and everybody else is three sheets to the wind or maybe even four sheets. I hope this doesn't ruin Christmas. I mean, I kind of felt bad for leaving them tonight and then we come home to this disaster."

"The guys will be fine, and I'm sure Lisa and John will forgive you. Let's get these guys covered up so we can grab some sleep. I have a feeling alcohol or not, we are in for an early morning."

With Java's help they covered up each mummy, draping the blanket over Cass where he sat, gently tipping both Pole and Flu over so they didn't crash into anything in the middle of the night. Java kindly tucked BBQ's favorite stuffed camel under his arm and placed the blanket over him, while Nigel took care of Spaz and Jody carefully tucked the edges of the blanket around Rah.

The couple headed for the bedroom ready to fall into bed when they realized they had forgotten one mummy. Eddie was steadily snoring, smack dab in the middle of the bed.

"Java!" Nigel yelled turning around and running right into Java who had stayed right on their heels. "Damn, man," Nigel said totally exasperated. "Give me a hand with him; we'll drag him out to the living room."

Jody backed up out of the way while Java and Nigel tugged Eddie off the bed and as gently as possible set him on the floor with just a slight thump. "Okay, I think we'll leave him right here. He's a lot heavier than he looks, at least he is tonight, that dead weight is a killer. Besides I'm afraid if we tug him anywhere, we'll just end up pulling his arms off. We just have to remember to step over him in the morning."

"That's fine, I'm exhausted," Jody said trying to stifle a yawn. "Okay Java, it looks like you have the whole crypt to yourself."

But Java didn't look too excited at the proposal, shaking his head and mumbling frantically.

"You've got to be kidding me," Jody said as Java continued to chatter. "Well fine then, go get your bedding and we'll set you up on the couch."

Java disappeared as Nigel looked at Jody in disbelief. "What was that?"

"He's afraid to spend the night alone in the crypt. He wanted to be up here."

"You understood him? Without music?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"How?"

"I've spent a lot of time with them, and we went through something similar a few months back. It's just like a mother can understand her two year old while nobody else can. I'm going to get him settled on the couch and then I'll be back," she said as she stepped over Eddie.

Nigel had been correct when he said they were in for an early morning. Nigel had heard a noise and gotten up to check it out and immediately fell over Eddie. The contact caused the mummy to stir, and as he sat up and stretched Jody was just waking up and saw the bandaged arms rise up over the side of the bed, causing her to scream, which made Nigel turn back around and fall over Eddie again. All the commotion brought in Cass, BBQ, The Pole and Rah. Suddenly the bedroom was full of ancient beings and once again Jody couldn't believe that this was, in fact her life. "Okay guys everybody out! Give us a few minutes and we'll be out. Go sit nicely by the Christmas tree!" Nigel ordered.

"My life is so weird," Jody said as she shuffled out to the living room in her slippers and her robe.

Java, who had had just as little sleep as Nigel and Jody, was swinging his legs around to the front of the couch. He yawned, but upon seeing the couple he broke out into that trademark grin. He patted the spot next to him inviting Jody to sit down and wasn't the least bit happy when Nigel told him to go sit with the rest of the crew on the floor as he and Jody sat down.

The entire group was sitting in front of the tree eagerly waiting for their gifts to be handed out. To say that Jody had gone overboard was at the very least an understatement. Being a teacher, Christmas was always a special time for her as she chose small gifts for each of her students. But this year she had an entire new tribe to shop for and she actually enjoyed every minute of it. She and Nigel even planned for a very special gift. It was for all of the guys but most especially Eddie and The Pole. A few days before they had gone to the local animal shelter and picked out a very rambunctious kitten the staff had named Mayhem. Jody assured them that the kitten would fit right into their household. Just as they prepared to start opening gifts, Pete, one of the Egyptologists, stopped by with the black ball of fluff he had been taking care of until Christmas. Pole was ecstatic and scooped up the little guy immediately and refused to let anybody else hold him, not even Eddie. It didn't take long after that for the festivities to begin.

Within the hour, Spaz was wearing his new running shoes while he maneuvered a remote control helicopter around the room. Cass, who also got some new sneakers, was busy chasing Horace around with the remote control four wheeler. BB Queen was still clutching his espresso maker to his chest, fearing if he set it down it would somehow grow legs and walk off. Rah was in the corner with The Pole and the kitten setting up the new racetrack, while The Flu was fascinated with the box that it came in. Eddie and Java were busy shooting Nerf bullets back and forth at each other. The basketball that went with the hoop that Nigel had set up outside was rolling into the mess and knocked Cass's new four slice toaster over. Then suddenly BBQ put down his present and decided to dump the entire box of Scooby Doo Lego's out, complete with monsters and mummies that Jody just couldn't resist. There were books and a kit to build pyramids, tents for outdoor adventures, paraphernalia for the pool, and a brand new bath brush just for Java. She had even bought each one a chia pet so they could grow something inside, figuring Java could snack all winter. She had painstakingly chosen a different one for each mummy only to find that Cass had found them and eaten all the seeds. But there was no doubt about it; the boys had made out like kings.

Jody looked at the chaos that surrounded her and couldn't help but smile. She flipped open her photo book that the boys had presented her. Inside was a bunch of pictures from her concert experience. She pointed to the crowd shots, "these are all people from around town, and they're mummy fans?"

"They know there is no cousin Artie, no burn patients, but they stay quiet if we comp them tickets. Heck, they love the guys so I doubt they'd say anything anyway, but no reason to take chances. Do you like the album?"

"Is this why you had me pose with each one of the guys?" She asked.

"Yup, and the crowd loved it, cause they all stayed out for so long nearly everybody got a turn with everyone."

"It's great, I love it. And the glass blown flower, who picked that out?" She asked holding the delicate glass orchid in her hand.

"I cut out pictures from a catalogue and we all voted, that one won," Nigel explained. "They also got you this stuff," he said handing her a box.

Inside were a HCTM magnet, sticker, ornament, stocking cap, t-shirt and coffee mug which BB Queen immediately came over and grabbed and set it between his two favorite presents, the espresso machine and the DVD box set of Game of Thrones. He then went back to working on the Mystery Machine. "Easy come easy go," Jody said.

"Maybe you two can share," Nigel suggested.

It had settled down a little bit as Java was looking through his book about veganism and Eddie along with The Flu, who had allowed the new kitten to play in his box, were working on building the sphinx. Spaz, who couldn't seem to share the new helicopter, was still trying to master its flight pattern. Horace, who already adored the new addition to the family was chomping on his rawhide after Jody had to shoo him away from Rah's foot, as occasionally the dog would decide that nothing was better than mummy appendages and start to gnaw.

The couple opened a few more gifts they had gotten for each other and when everything seemed to be opened, Jody sighed and enjoyed the disaster before her. This was something she never thought she could ever deal with, as she liked peace and order at home. Nigel took a few pictures for next year's album and then came back and sat down next to her.

"Okay guys, here Eddie take the camera," he said handing it off. "I have one final present for you Miss Jody," he began. Jody looked up and saw every eye in the room, all eighteen of them on her, despite Spaz still fiddling with the remote for his favorite new item, its buzzing interrupting the quiet.

"What is it?" She asked warily.

"I was wondering, well, since you took to this—this crazy lifestyle better than I could have ever expected—well it made me realize—not that I didn't already know, but now I know for sure—well—would you marry me?" He finally spit out as he thrust the small box at her.

Jody gasped and flipped the top of the box up revealing a beautiful diamond engagement ring. She slid it on her left ring finger and gasped again. "It's beautiful!"

"Just like you," Nigel said with eight mummies grunting and growling in agreement. "And we already have a family started. Congratulations its octuplet mummies." He joked.

Jody brought her hand up to her lips and tried unsuccessfully to hold back the tears. Eddie snapped several pictures and Java leaned over with a bunch of mistletoe that Nigel grabbed away from him. Java responded in his typical mumbles.

"He said it was for you and me, not him and me," Jody choked out.

"How you understand him, I'll never know," he said, but then leaned in for a kiss. The two locked lips while six mummies cheered, one took a gang-load of pictures for the memory book and one became distracted as he madly wiggled the little joysticks on his contraption. Jody sat upright just in time to be clobbered in the side of the head with a toy helicopter.

"Hope that's not a bad omen," Nigel said as he batted the toy away and took the remote from Spaz.

"Nah, that's just life in a house with octuplet mummies. Can you clean up a bit while I get an ice pack?"

"Absolutely, are you okay?"

"If I'm going to make this my life, I'll have to toughen up. I'm good, just get some of this wrapping paper picked up and try and find the kitten."

Jody shook her head as she entered the kitchen. She found her ice pack made up of a mixture of alcohol and water that the school nurse had told her how to make years ago. She went over to the sink and splashed some water on her face and let it drip back into the sink. She heard the muffled chaos from the living room bounce her way and she looked down at the ring on her finger. She truly loved Nigel and found she adored him even more so since the whole mummy discovery. She knew this life would never be easy nor would it ever be boring. She would hear her coworkers complain about the normality of life and though she could never share her experiences she was certain hers would never follow that path.

She touched the tender spot on her head and grabbed the dish towel and wrapped it around the cold pack as she headed back towards the living room. She noticed that the wrapping paper had been picked up and stuffed into the overflowing trash bag in the corner, but that seemed to be the only thing in any kind of order. Horace was dancing and barking at the foot of the tree, staring upwards at the kitten, who was damn near the top of it, batting at an ornament. Rah and The Pole were arguing over who was going to be the orange car and who was going to be the blue car on the race track. Spaz and Java were tugging the remote control to the helicopter back and forth while Cass was driving the four wheeler into the wall only backing it up to do it again. The Flu had the box back on his head and was running into the wall much like the remote control truck, Eddie was taking selfies and pictures of his butt and BBQ was sitting in the middle of it all continuing to put together the Scooby Doo ghost town. Nigel was trying to get Horace to calm down and grab the kitten that was about two inches too high for him. He finally gave up, only to step backwards onto a pile of Legos in his bare feet. Nope, life would never, ever be boring.


	11. Wrapped Up In Wedding Bells

**Wrapped Up In Wedding Bells**

The original plan was for two ceremonies; one for friends and family and one for close family and mummies. But it became clear rather rapidly, that the original plan was going to be far too expensive, as well as far too aggravating. So now Jody was sitting in the living room with her mother, looking through the latest bridal magazines that Java had dumped on the coffee table an hour earlier. Each of the guys had their own guide in front of them and were thumbing through and tearing out pages when they saw something appealing.

Jody's mother, Gloria, was about as liberal and easy going as anyone could be. She took everything in stride and saw people's differences as blessings. Her father George, however, wasn't quite as laid back, but over the years has learned to love his wife's endearing and accepting ways. The couple had decided that if Jody was going to marry Nigel, and the two families were only going to live a half hour apart, then her parents would need to know the truth. After Jody explained the whole thing, George just sat in his recliner with his jaw wide open and his eyes squinting as if he couldn't have possibly heard what the thought he had heard. Meanwhile, Gloria was clapping her hands and excited to already have "grandchildren."

"Mummies?" George asked. "How is that even possible?"

"Give me those pictures," Gloria demanded pulling them from her daughters' hands and looking at each one, flipping them over to read the name on the back. "Such interesting names," she remarked.

"It's not possible, is it April Fool's Day?" George asked.

"Oh they look so fun!" Gloria chirped.

And now two weeks later they were all busy planning for the upcoming nuptials. The Flu tore a page out and lumbered up to Gloria, eager to show her his find.

"Let's see dear," she said taking the magazine page from him.

"What is he showing you?" Jody asked.

"I have no idea," she said gazing at the beaming couple that were holding hands.

Flu pointed towards the bottom of the page, and Gloria adjusted her glasses and took a closer look. "Oh my yes, those are beautiful."

"What is it?" Jody asked.

"Two gorgeous planters, they are a pastel pink and would go wonderfully with your color choices of pink and white. We could fill them with pink and white flowers and have them near the altar, speaking of which, since this is going to be an outdoor wedding, will there be an altar?"

"A friend of ours is going to build some type of arbor for us to stand under. We can set the planters just in front of it and off to the side."

"Oh, that would be beautiful. Good job Flu, great eye," Gloria complimented the mummy who was ecstatic with his find.

"They are stunning, but so is the price tag," Jody said looking at the page.

"Yes, but this your wedding, your big day. Besides you know Dad and I will help you with the expenses."

"The guys said we could use some of their money but both Nigel and I agreed we won't do that. That stipend is for their needs not ours. Besides our grandchildren will probably still be caring for them in the future and I imagine the boys won't eat any less."

Gloria nodded and smiled, she had also been a teacher, and spent over thirty years teaching nearly every grade. She was wonderful with people and most especially young people and her skills made her perfect for dealing with the boys. "Now do each of the guys have a special job for the ceremony?" She whispered as The Flu sat back down and hunched back over his magazine.

"We've been trying to think of things but were just not sure if there are enough to spread out eight ways. We have Spaz on the keyboard for my entrance, that part was easy. I promised BBQ and Java they could be ring bearers, actually Java wanted to be the flower mummy but we both know that wouldn't work out very well."

"True enough," Gloria nodded having experienced Java's taste for flowers when he nibbled at a corsage she was wearing the week before.

"So we'll have Rah toss out the flowers, and then we thought The Pole could stand near me and hold my bouquet during the vows. But I'm stuck for the rest of the guys, I think they'd get too distracted to be an usher, so I don't know what to do."

"Don't worry dear, we'll think of something. What about the menu? I was thinking of fish and chicken, it will be the easiest to order and so many people are watching their weight. Plus I know that Joan and her husband are vegetarians so there should be enough other food to offer them. Speaking of that, did you know that your father and I have been participating in meatless Mondays?"

"Crap!" Jody sighed.

"I thought you'd be pleased," Gloria exclaimed.

"No, not about that, that's great, I'm glad you are. In fact Nigel and I have been cutting back on meat as well. I wanted to lose a few pounds before the wedding and I thought more salad and less meat might be a good start."

"Oh, sweetheart your figure is just fine, but you always did love your vegetables."

"No, what I was saying crap about was that Java is vegan and we have to be sure he has something to eat or all my flower arrangements might end up nothing but stems."

"Oh my, good for you Java," Gloria said as she nodded at the mummy. "So that's no animal products at all, your father would just die without his ice cream and cheese. Let's see, I know, Florence's daughter, the one who went away for several years, not the lawyer the other one, the younger one, she works at a vegan bakery and they also make lunches and so forth. I bet she could whip something up for him. I can't remember her new name though, Rainbow or Sunshine or some such thing. She came back a little weirder than when she left. She was always a bit odd as child if I recall correctly. She used to collect shoelaces and cotton balls I think. But anyway, I hear good things about her cooking."

Jody looked over at her mother and raised her eyebrows. Her mother was sitting in a room with eight mummies poring over bridal magazines and that didn't even rate on her scale of weirdness, this Sunshine/Rainbow woman must be pretty strange for Gloria to think she was odd.

"Don't worry, she isn't violent or anything," Gloria said having picked up Jody's questioning eyes.

"Good to know. Okay, I'll let you deal with the catering then."

"None of the boys, other than Java of course, have any food issues? Allergies, pickiness?"

"Picky?" Jody asked trying not to burst out in laughter. She was about to tell her mother that wasn't a problem when they watched an unfortunate cricket hop its way around the carpet landing next to Cass, who reached over and picked it up and slid it right into his mouth.

"That would be a no then," Gloria said with a nod. "Okay then, moving on. What about Nigel's parents? I'm sure they are fully aware of the guys, what is their take on everything?"

"Of course, Nigel the VI is all too familiar with them having been around them since birth. But Marge, well—she tries, but you can just tell she isn't all that comfortable. She dealt with it when she had too, but I get the feeling that when Nigel had his heart attack and my Nigel stepped up, it wasn't a moment too soon. That's what I have gleaned from my conversations with everybody, as well as her reaction when Spaz sat in her lap the last time they were over here."

"What happened?"

"She spent the remainder of the visit in the car," Jody answered dryly. "She never did live here, insisted they have their own house instead of adding another bedroom on. It made it hard for Nigel's father, but he worked it out."

"Oh my. Well, we should remember that when we do the seating arrangement. Now, I know you want the ceremony to take place by the pond and that will be such a beautiful setting, but what about the reception?"

"Well, we have two options. The first, we can set up tables closer to the house where the mosquitos aren't as bad or we can have it in the big pole barn out back. We plan to make the bus home base for the guys anyway so they aren't going in and out of the house, and that way Nigel can put up some kind of makeshift door to the crypt so nobody discovers our oddly arranged basement."

"Good idea—about the crypt I mean. So where will you park the bus?"

"Probably on the east side of the house. It won't be all that noticeable, yet there will be easy access."

Suddenly Java jumped up and skipped over with his magazine in hand. He pointed to the page on left as both Jody and Gloria craned in for a closer look. He then slapped the page a few times when they didn't react.

"Oh the bouquet," Jody finally said. "I thought you were showing us the Maserati the couple was riding in. Java swayed his head back and forth and pointed directly to the bouquet the bride was holding outside of the window. "Oooh, those are pretty." Jody commented.

"Pink and white roses with the yellows one mixed in, my, my, that is just gorgeous!" Gloria exclaimed. "You know, you boys are great helpers."

The guys just nodded and grunted as Java tore the page out and proudly handed it Jody.

"Okay boys you have been great help, so why don't you go find Horace and chill out for a bit while I get a few other things done," Jody said.

They all got up and handed their respective magazines to Gloria and went outside, chattering all the way.

"Well, now, so far they're worth their weight in bandages, who knew four thousand year old mummies could be such great wedding planners. I'm glad you figured out a way to include them."

"Well it wasn't my childhood dream to have a Halloween themed wedding, but how else could I cover them up? Besides, I couldn't imagine such a special day without them. Has Dad come around at all?"

"He's getting there, you have to understand dear, you were his one great hope of normalcy. Your sister, well, she has always been a bit flighty," Gloria said of Jody's sister Jenna, who after years of traveling finally settled in Ireland simply because her favorite color was green. "And then there's your brother and you have to give Dad credit, he has finally accepted Rory into the family."

Jody thought back to when her brother, younger by only a year, came out and introduced the family to his significant other, who was every bit as male as Stephen was.

"He did go their wedding now didn't he?"

"Yes he did. You know, I should ask Stephen and Rory for any pointers, they had a very nice ceremony," Jody said.

"Yes, Rory has a great eye for colors. Now will the guys just be wearing their bandages, pretending they are costumes or will they be in tuxes as well?"

The invitations read that all were welcome in any attire, including Halloween costumes. It was the easiest way to hide the boys in plain sight.

"How many do you think will come in costume?" Gloria asked.

"I'm not sure, probably those who don't have any nice clothes and a few of our friends are really into Halloween. So there will be some. As for the guys, I really want them to be in tuxedos for the ceremony. I've even picked out different color ties for them. But in the end, we'll just end up going with what they will put up with."

"Honey, I think those boys will do anything for you."


End file.
